In a recent survey conducted in this country, it was found that up to 20% of twelve year-olds in some schools were showing early signs of nicotine addiction.
In the eighteen to twenty year age bracket the percentage was as high as 70%. A large contributing factor to this high level of addiction is attributed to the uncensored TV advertising of cigarettes.
For this reason all cigarette advertising should be banned.
In the beginning of last century, using of cigarette became more popular in society. Many factories had been built to produce cigarette. Actually, people believed smoking has many advantages. However, today we know cigarette is dangerous and we must try to stop using it.
Unfortunately, today our children are involved to using of cigarette. Nowadays, there are many advertising on public media such as TV. In most movies also actor or actress using cigarette. Consequently, our children are effected to smoke because in advertisement has shown majority of hero are smoker or have some drug problem.
In my opinion, it is our responsibility to protect our children so all these advertising must banned. We must teach our children how much cigarette is harmful. In public media, we should better present damages of using of cigarette. We know using of cigarette causes some Incurable disease such as lung cancer and so on.
In additional, smoke is reduced brain activities. Cigarette not only is harmful for smoker, also is too bad for none smoker. Some researcher show it does not different between you smoke or stand nearby a smoker. Moreover, children who using cigarette more easily than none smoker using other drug.
To sum up, all kind of advertising of cigarette or other kind of drug, alcohol must banned in all public media such TV, the radio and so on. Unfortunately, our children think everything that show in TV program is correct, so we must careful what is showing in these kind of media.
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Sentence: Consequently, our children are effected to smoke because in advertisement has shown majority of hero are smoker or have some drug problem.
Description: The fragment majority of hero is not usually followed by are
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace are with is
Sentence: Moreover, children who using cigarette more easily than none smoker using other drug.
Description: A WH-pronoun, nominative is not usually followed by a verb, present participle or gerund
Suggestion: Refer to who and using
Sentence: To sum up, all kind of advertising of cigarette or other kind of drug, alcohol must banned in all public media such TV, the radio and so on.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to must and banned
Sentence: Unfortunately, our children think everything that show in TV program is correct, so we must careful what is showing in these kind of media.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to must and careful
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Words: 252 350
No. of Characters: 1214 1500
No. of Different Words: 133 200
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 252 350
No. of Characters: 1214 1500
No. of Different Words: 133 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.984 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.817 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.654 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 84 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 65 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 42 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 29 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 14 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.676 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.611 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.358 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.577 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.173 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5