Ielts writing part 1

Essay topics:

Ielts writing part 1

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.
Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
You should write at least 150 words.
 The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.

Your essay: The bar chart below provides information about the sales made by top five best-selling handphone brands include: Nokia, Samsung, Apple, LG and ZTE between 2009 and 2013.
Overall, it is clear that Samsung, Apple and ZTE were the brand which experienced the upward trends whereas Nokia and LG had the downward trends throughout three years.
Looking more closely to the chart, in 2009 the amount of sales of Nokia was higher than others, reached about 420 million phones, followed by Samsung with around 250 million phones and LG with less than 150 million phones. On the other hand, Apple and ZTE hit a low-point of no more than 20 million units and approximately 40 million units respectively in the same year.
In the next year, there were some noticeable changes when Samsung rose about 320 million phones, after which this figure fell sharply with Nokia for around 410 million phones. However Apple, LG and Nokia continually increased their amount of sales.
It can be observed that two years later, Samsung climb significantly to about 450 million phones and became the brand which had the most phones which are sold, by contrast, Nokia’s sales dramatically decrease to around 250 million phones in 2013. The same with Samsung, Apple also started to reach their highest point for about 150 million units, at which point LG gradual fell down of about 97 million phones while ZTE had minimal change from around 40 in 2011 to around 43 million phones this year.

Votes
Average: 1.1 (1 vote)
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Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...le phone brands between 2009 and 2013. Your essay: The bar chart below provides...
^^^^^^^^
Line 13, column 176, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...th Nokia for around 410 million phones. However Apple, LG and Nokia continually increas...
^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, however, if, look, so, whereas, while, at least, on the other hand

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 6.0 7.0 86% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 3.0 1.00243902439 299% => Less auxiliary verb wanted.
Conjunction : 13.0 6.8 191% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 3.15609756098 285% => Less relative clauses wanted (maybe 'which' is over used).
Pronoun: 12.0 5.60731707317 214% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 52.0 33.7804878049 154% => OK
Nominalization: 3.0 3.97073170732 76% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1641.0 965.302439024 170% => OK
No of words: 327.0 196.424390244 166% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.01834862385 4.92477711251 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.25242769721 3.73543355544 114% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.30709574084 2.65546596893 87% => OK
Unique words: 167.0 106.607317073 157% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.510703363914 0.547539520022 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 452.7 283.868780488 159% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.45097560976 96% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 1.53170731707 326% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 2.0 4.33902439024 46% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 1.07073170732 93% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 0.482926829268 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 3.36585365854 178% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 8.94146341463 157% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.4926829268 102% => OK
Sentence length SD: 69.496879977 43.030603864 162% => OK
Chars per sentence: 117.214285714 112.824112599 104% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.3571428571 22.9334400587 102% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.14285714286 5.23603664747 98% => OK
Paragraphs: 11.0 3.83414634146 287% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 2.0 1.69756097561 118% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 3.70975609756 216% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 1.13902439024 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.09268292683 147% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0218464787751 0.215688989381 10% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0167863946301 0.103423049105 16% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0412253418617 0.0843802449381 49% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0213645022565 0.15604864568 14% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0454447761422 0.0819641961636 55% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.9 13.2329268293 105% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 65.05 61.2550243902 106% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.51609756098 48% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 10.3012195122 96% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.13 11.4140731707 106% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.82 8.06136585366 97% => OK
difficult_words: 63.0 40.7170731707 155% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 7.0 11.4329268293 61% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 10.9970731707 102% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 11.0658536585 72% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Maximum four paragraphs wanted.
It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.

Rates: 11.2359550562 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.