The charts below show how selected age groups purchased concert, cinema, and theater tickets online over the first three months of 2006 in three countries and how the Internet was accessed.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar charts demonstrate the proportion of people in different age brackets in three countries such as Australia, UK, and Malaysia who preferred online shopping to buy concert, cinema, and theater tickets in the first three months of 2006. Also it is showed which accessories were used to access the Internet.
It can be considered that in Australia, more than half of the people who were in the 25-44 age bracket used online shopping and just under 50% of some who were 65 or older applied online method. Moving onto the UK, approximately, 55% of younger people and two out of five of ones who were in advanced age took advantage of the Internet to purchase tickets. Turning to Malaysia, a mere 40% of younger people and 42% of older ones were eager to use the Internet for their purchases.
Nevertheless, roughly, 60% of people in three countries used Desktop computers to access the Internet. In addition, two in five of people in Malaysia and Australia and a modest 30% of people in the UK applied laptops. Moreover, on average, a quarter of people in the three countries reserved their tickets by using Mobile phones.
Overall, in contrast to older people, younger ones were more engrossed in online shopping except for Malaysia. Besides, people were more passionate about using Desktop computers to access the Internet rather than other methods.
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Comments
Full essay evaluations
flaws:
The introduction is verbose, you can remove 'such as Australia, UK, and Malaysia' and 'to buy concert, cinema, and theater tickets'. You have this issue in other essays.
It is OK to put words more than 200 if you can develop the essay in 20 minutes.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 10 15
No. of Words: 229 350
No. of Characters: 1090 1500
No. of Different Words: 114 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.89 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.76 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.513 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 88 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 60 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 39 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 20 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.9 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.78 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.7 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.475 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.696 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.147 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Dear sir
I have been always grateful for your advice and corrections. I have a problem because I think it is impossible to describe these charts with less than 200 words. Do you think I speculate about the topic or some parts of my writing are unnecessary? Could you give me some hints about how I can cover the details with less words?
Yours faithfully
Sasan Ghomi