You have received a gift of money. The money is enough to buy either a piece of jewelry you like or tickets to a concert you want to attend. Which would you buy? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
Sometime when we have much money from our relatives, parents, bosses or winning a lottery, we confuse how to expend it for, saving, investing, or spending to buy many things which can pleasure our desire. And it is naturally human being because people need much thing which must be fulfilled. Some people prefer purchasing of show or concert tickets, while I would rather buy jewellery for investment.
Jewelry is one kind of non-renewable resources, so the amount always decreases as long time. As the economics law about human lives to role scarce resource, so rarer, it means more expensive. Saving it, we will get many advantages. If I and my family need money for medicine, health, or study, I just sell it and everything is be easier, It differs if I take my money out to see concerts. I just enjoy in short term whereas we can see it on youtube.
In addition, I can wear my jewelry in special event or in my daily activities and not only me, obviously, most women are keen on it. Women are identical with something which glisten and extravagant while minimally, they put jewellery on their hands, ears and necks. Particularly extraordinary event which is held rarely such as wedding ceremony, women will show their beautifulness up in pretty dresses added by gold, diamond, pearl and many others.
In conclusion, the choices are preferable for each person however I favour investing my money in jewelry over concert tickets because I think it gives me many merits in economics or prestige.
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which can pleasure our desire.
Description: The word pleasure is not usually used as a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to pleasure
If I and my family need money for medicine
If my family and I need money for medicine
Sentence: And it is naturally human being because people need much thing which must be fulfilled.
Description: The word being is not usually used as a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to being
Sentence: As the economics law about human lives to role scarce resource, so rarer, it means more expensive.
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to role and scarce
everything is be easier
everything will be easier
with something which glisten and extravagant
with something which are glistening and extravagant
Sentence: In conclusion, the choices are preferable for each person however I favour investing my money in jewelry over concert tickets because I think it gives me many merits in economics or prestige.
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to I and favour
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Words: 257 350
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 257 350
No. of Characters: 1201 1500
No. of Different Words: 168 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.004 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.673 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.581 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 82 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 60 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 37 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 28 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.417 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.539 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.75 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.343 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.573 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.092 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5