Some educationalists argue that non-exam, art-based subjects, such as music, drama, art and craft, should be compulsory in the secondary-school curriculum. They believe that activities such as these can improve overall academic performance.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today’s world, education has become an important tool for students to achieve a successful life. Many people hold the view that educational institutions should provide the useful efficient programs in order to promote a wide range of opportunities for students. Some non-examination subjects such as drama, art and craft should not be compulsory in schools’ curriculum, while others hold different perspective. Personally, I would like to suggest that these experiences will enhance all –round academic performance.
To begin with, these subjects teach several vital skills for students such as teamwork skill, confidential personality ad leader skills. Firstly, a teamwork skill can be acquired, when students participate in group activities such as making a drama show or being a musician. In order to produce a good performance on a stage or perform a harmony song, actors and musicians need to co-operate work in a team. Not only students can get a good cooperative skill but they also acquire the confidential personality and have a good leader character eventually. As students have many experiences to express their abilities on stage, they gradually build their confidences and have a good characteristic. Also with being a leadership can observe and develop after involve in teamwork several times.
Moreover, studying art subjects has a beneficial impact to students’ academic performances. Non –exam subjects allow students to take a break from other intellectual pursuits. During paintings artworks or creating drama plots, these boost students’ creativity and imagination. As many educationalists reveal that even these subjects have less significant in academic examinations, but students still need some time to unwire from studying other difficult subjects. Without sometimes to spend on creative artworks, students would not have a good balance between stressful subjects and favorable subjects.
In conclusion, the importance of art subjects is frequently much less than other intellectual subjects such as technology, math or science. However, with the creative pursuits in these courses, students will be able to build all-round academic, vital social abilities and imagination.
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should provide the useful efficient programs
should provide useful and efficient programs //don't put two adjective parallel
need to co-operate work in a team.
need to co-operate in a team.
need co-operative work in a team.
Not only students can get a good cooperative skill but they also acquire the confidential personality
Description: 'Not only...but also' is not used properly. can you re-write this sentence?
Also with being a leadership can observe and develop after involve in teamwork several times.
Description: what is the subject for this sentence? can you re-write this sentence?
have less significant in academic examinations,
have less significance in academic examinations,
Without sometimes to spend on creative artworks,
Without sometimes spending on creative artworks,
is frequently much less than other intellectual subjects
Description: the correct structure is:
adv. + adj. + noun.
Sentence: During paintings artworks or creating drama plots, these boost students' creativity and imagination.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to paintings and artworks
Sentence: As many educationalists reveal that even these subjects have less significant in academic examinations, but students still need some time to unwire from studying other difficult subjects.
Error: unwire Suggestion: ?
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
Sentence Length SD: 4.5 7.5 //"Sentence Length SD is low" means that the essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentences varieties wanted.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 331 350
No. of Characters: 1827 1500
No. of Different Words: 187 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.265 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.52 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.025 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 137 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 120 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 96 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 54 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.471 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.5 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.529 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.34 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.538 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.081 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5