Humans should expand all aspects of their life to find out their talents and what they enjoy most. I think student should be required to study art and music, because it can helps students to have self confidence, learn more about own and other culture build up the relationship between together.
First of all, art and music play vital role in self confidences of students. Learning art and music cause students think freely and come up with creative ideas. In this case when they face with problem they can overcome the problem with creative solution. That causes them to have self confidence. In addition if they learn art and music and performance their talents, they will be encouraged which, this situation enhance their self confidence.
Second, each national featured their culture, beliefs in their arts or music. And throughout the course student will read some articles about history of arts or will be go to museums or concerts that cause to get aware of these values and cultures. And they have chance to compare their own cultures with other nations and get informed about their similarities and difference.
Last but not least, learning music and art will enable students build up relationship with their classmates. It can be happened in breaks after working hours of learning of serious subjects, mostly in the breaks student are far apart of each other. But by doing some art activities they can form band for their activity, which cause them to get together and do something in group. So they have communicated with all of their classmates. And at least they have something income with whole class and it is art.
In conclusion, because of benefits of art and music courses, which have on students, like enhance their self confidence, get informed about the cultures and team works. It is totally necessary for students in secondary school to attend this kind of courses.
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because it can helps students to have self confidence
because it can help students to have self confidence
learn more about own and other culture build up the relationship between together.
learn more about own and others culture to build up the relationship together.
Learning art and music cause students think freely and come up with creative ideas
Learning art and music causes students thinking freely and coming up with creative ideas
they will be encouraged which, this situation enhance their self confidence.
Description: can you re-write this sentence?
each national featured their culture, beliefs in their arts or music
each national featured its culture, beliefs in its arts or music
Sentence: In addition if they learn art and music and performance their talents, they will be encouraged which, this situation enhance their self confidence.
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by a determiner, possessive
Suggestion: Refer to performance and their
Sentence: And throughout the course student will read some articles about history of arts or will be go to museums or concerts that cause to get aware of these values and cultures.
Description: The fragment be go to is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace go with adjective
Sentence: It can be happened in breaks after working hours of learning of serious subjects, mostly in the breaks student are far apart of each other.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to breaks and student
flaws:
No. of Different Words: 156 200
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
Read a good grammar book.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 18 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 319 350
No. of Characters: 1536 1500
No. of Different Words: 156 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.226 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.815 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.353 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 94 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 77 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 52 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 22 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.765 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.191 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.588 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.335 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.567 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.11 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5