Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. Please help me correct this essay! Thank you

Essay topics:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Please help me correct this essay! Thank you!

Advertisements are developed rapidly and are broadcasted wildly throughout attractive images and unforgotten sounds. Nevertheless, some audiences are too young to be suitable for those commercials, especially children whose age are under five. Hence, in my point of view, I totally agree with that statement above.

First and foremost, children are easily enticed by colorful items on media. Children in this range of age usually clamor their parents for what impresses them, which is the characteristic of original advertisements. For instance, my aunt has a lovely girl who is only three years old always want her mother to buy everything shown on television. Were that requirements not be accepted, my nephew would yell without stopping for an hour and would disobey her mother. My aunt complains about this issue and said it took her to spend the amount of money satisfying her daughter. In most situations, children will make this become their habit, moreover, parents will get into trouble in nurturing their children.

In addition to previous reason, these kids do not mature enough for fully cognitive in order to recognize what is safe to follow. With an aim to sell as many products as possible of abundant companies, they could include some hazardous scenes in advertisements in order to make impression on viewers such as falling down from high building. Because of inexperienced awareness, those dangerous actions can be followed without carefully thinking. Taking an example, long period time ago, a tragic accident occurred with a little boy. He was said to have copied an actor in an advertisement to jump from one building to the opposite one. Consequently, he died immediately. That story raised a warning in public at that time, even government banned advertisement directed toward young children for a short time. Nonetheless, laws still not have specific punishment for those companies.

In conclusion, those reasons mentioned above illustrate for a disagreement that televisions broadcast advertisements directed toward children whose age is from two to five years old. In addition, parents should keep an eye on their child to avoid unexpected accidents happening.

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Average: 7.6 (1 vote)
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Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
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Advertisements are developed rapidly and...
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Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...lly agree with that statement above. First and foremost, children are easily ...
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Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
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...o trouble in nurturing their children. In addition to previous reason, ...
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Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...fic punishment for those companies. In conclusion, those reasons mentioned a...
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Line 7, column 287, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
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...o avoid unexpected accidents happening.
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Transition Words or Phrases used:
consequently, first, hence, if, moreover, nevertheless, nonetheless, so, still, for instance, in addition, in conclusion, such as

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 15.1003584229 93% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 9.8082437276 71% => OK
Conjunction : 5.0 13.8261648746 36% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 9.0 11.0286738351 82% => OK
Pronoun: 31.0 43.0788530466 72% => OK
Preposition: 54.0 52.1666666667 104% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 8.0752688172 111% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1853.0 1977.66487455 94% => OK
No of words: 346.0 407.700716846 85% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.35549132948 4.8611393121 110% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.31289638616 4.48103885553 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.99839159664 2.67179642975 112% => OK
Unique words: 229.0 212.727598566 108% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.661849710983 0.524837075471 126% => OK
syllable_count: 577.8 618.680645161 93% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.51630824373 112% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 9.59856630824 115% => OK
Article: 1.0 3.08781362007 32% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 3.51792114695 28% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.86738351254 0% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.94265232975 142% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 20.6003584229 92% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 20.1344086022 89% => OK
Sentence length SD: 39.0101201444 48.9658058833 80% => OK
Chars per sentence: 97.5263157895 100.406767564 97% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.2105263158 20.6045352989 88% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.78947368421 5.45110844103 125% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.5376344086 90% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 11.8709677419 84% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 3.85842293907 181% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.88709677419 41% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.189952265903 0.236089414692 80% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0523102512131 0.076458572812 68% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0477905145561 0.0737576698707 65% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.124448267462 0.150856017488 82% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0393295137563 0.0645574589148 61% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.9 11.7677419355 110% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 44.75 58.1214874552 77% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 10.1575268817 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.81 10.9000537634 127% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.14 8.01818996416 114% => OK
difficult_words: 101.0 86.8835125448 116% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 10.002688172 90% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 10.0537634409 92% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.247311828 88% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.


Rates: 76.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 23.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.