A primary (elementary) school is considering increasing the amount of time it spends educating its young students about technology (for example, computers). To do so, it would decrease the amount of time it spends educating the students about music and art. Do you agree with the idea of young students (ages 5-11) spending less time in school learning about music and art in order to spend more time learning about technology? Why or why not?
With out a shadow of doubt, technology such as computer has drastically shape our life and become increasingly significant in the society. Without the basic knowledge of technology, one could find it difficult to adapt to the modern society. Therefore, some people suggest to educate students more about technology at an early age by reducing the time spent on teaching art and music. However, I do not agree this in consideration of the benefits of the children.
To commence with, from a pedagogy perspective, children's brain is still in developing stage at age five to eleven, and scientific investigation has revealed that music and arts could stimulate the development. Music could cultivate students memory, and learning how to play an instrument also train children's dexterity and body control. Art is also crucial for children because it nutures students' sense of space and geometry, inspires their creativity, and also nourish their aesthetic. It could never be overemphasized the importance of these skills. If we teach students technology instead of music and art, students would be deprived the opportunities of exposing to them and hence the opportunities of learning these skills.
Critics may argue that educating technology would benefit students too. This brings us to the second reason, that children at a young age could not handle tasks as complex as maneuvering a computer and even programing. As mention above, children's brain is still developing at this stage, and it is impossible for them to perform complicate tasks. It is therefore unfeasible to teach them technology at age of five. On the other hand, children at young age often possess a strong interest towards music and art. They would sing a song that they have heard and try to depict what they have seen. Therefore, considering the feasibility, it is better to educate children more and music and art but not the other way round.
Judging from the above evidences, we could safely arrive the conclusion that we should not teach students at an young age about technology by reducing the time they spent on art and music because this would hinder their brain development and this is unfeasible.
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WITH_OUT[1]
Message: This word is usually written together. Did you mean 'without'?
Suggestion: Without
With out a shadow of doubt, technology such as c...
^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 73, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: 'shaped'.
Suggestion: shaped
...nology such as computer has drastically shape our life and become increasingly signif...
^^^^^
Line 1, column 266, Rule ID: ADMIT_ENJOY_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the gerund form: 'suggest educating'.
Suggestion: suggest educating
... modern society. Therefore, some people suggest to educate students more about technology at an ea...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 110, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'a' instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
Suggestion: a
...on that we should not teach students at an young age about technology by reducing ...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, hence, however, if, may, second, so, still, therefore, such as, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 9.0 15.1003584229 60% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 9.8082437276 122% => OK
Conjunction : 19.0 13.8261648746 137% => OK
Relative clauses : 5.0 11.0286738351 45% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 34.0 43.0788530466 79% => OK
Preposition: 49.0 52.1666666667 94% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 8.0752688172 99% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1824.0 1977.66487455 92% => OK
No of words: 357.0 407.700716846 88% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.10924369748 4.8611393121 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.34677393335 4.48103885553 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.84420368845 2.67179642975 106% => OK
Unique words: 185.0 212.727598566 87% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.518207282913 0.524837075471 99% => OK
syllable_count: 574.2 618.680645161 93% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 9.59856630824 83% => OK
Article: 0.0 3.08781362007 0% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 3.51792114695 57% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.86738351254 214% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 6.0 4.94265232975 121% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 20.6003584229 83% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 21.0 20.1344086022 104% => OK
Sentence length SD: 51.5106734665 48.9658058833 105% => OK
Chars per sentence: 107.294117647 100.406767564 107% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.0 20.6045352989 102% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.41176470588 5.45110844103 99% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.5376344086 72% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 11.8709677419 67% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 3.85842293907 78% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.88709677419 123% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.233423331867 0.236089414692 99% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0764789168057 0.076458572812 100% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0664901517053 0.0737576698707 90% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.155629971685 0.150856017488 103% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0288727451165 0.0645574589148 45% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.1 11.7677419355 111% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 58.1214874552 86% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 10.1575268817 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.36 10.9000537634 113% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.17 8.01818996416 102% => OK
difficult_words: 79.0 86.8835125448 91% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 10.002688172 120% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 10.0537634409 103% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 10.247311828 117% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.