Some people prefer the idea that young students spend their time in doing one activity to develop it intensively. However, I support the idea that young children should enjoy diverse different activities in their free time. I would like to explain the reasons with examples as follow.
First, I think that diverse different activities can give children many benefits such as acquiring a wide range of knowledge, meeting many talented people in different fields and having a chance to find potential ability. Current school system provides children a standardized and unified education, so it is a little difficult for young people to find their interests. For example, I sent my two daughters to have piano and art lessons from 6 years old, because the Korean school focuses mainly on teaching university exam subjects, and also I want them to learn music and art to have a good understanding of those fields.
Second, it would be very hard for young people to choose only one activity to spend all their time in childhood. So, it needs lots of time and effort to select one favorite activity to focus on. Especially, childhood is the time of physical and mental growing and they cannot expect how their interest can be changed or how their body can be grown. So, it is quite risky to invest all their time in one field in childhood. For instance, we can see many cases in Korea that young children spend their childhood time in learning only dancing and singing to become an idol singer. After failing to become a professional singer a few years later, they regret a lot in their late 20s that they can do nothing else except dancing and singing and they have a difficulty getting a job for their living.
To sum up, experiencing many activities for children gives many options for their future lives and chances to broaden their sights. In addition, it is safer than to choose only one activity in spending time, because their interests and physical conditions can be changed easily to young people. In this regard, I strongly agree with the approach that children should learn many things in their free time.
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- TPO 17 Integrated Writing Task 75
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 275, Rule ID: AS_FOLLOW[1]
Message: Did you mean 'as follows'?
Suggestion: as follows
...ke to explain the reasons with examples as follow. First, I think that diverse differe...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, however, if, second, so, for example, for instance, i think, in addition, such as, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 8.0 15.1003584229 53% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 9.8082437276 112% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 13.8261648746 101% => OK
Relative clauses : 6.0 11.0286738351 54% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 41.0 43.0788530466 95% => OK
Preposition: 44.0 52.1666666667 84% => OK
Nominalization: 3.0 8.0752688172 37% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1759.0 1977.66487455 89% => OK
No of words: 364.0 407.700716846 89% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.83241758242 4.8611393121 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.36792674256 4.48103885553 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.48376414937 2.67179642975 93% => OK
Unique words: 193.0 212.727598566 91% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.53021978022 0.524837075471 101% => OK
syllable_count: 541.8 618.680645161 88% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 9.59856630824 115% => OK
Article: 0.0 3.08781362007 0% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.94265232975 81% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 20.6003584229 73% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 24.0 20.1344086022 119% => OK
Sentence length SD: 54.0910343772 48.9658058833 110% => OK
Chars per sentence: 117.266666667 100.406767564 117% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.2666666667 20.6045352989 118% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.0 5.45110844103 128% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 11.8709677419 84% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 3.85842293907 78% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.88709677419 41% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.277187302215 0.236089414692 117% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.11481671942 0.076458572812 150% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0848768805851 0.0737576698707 115% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.189354374515 0.150856017488 126% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0699566532667 0.0645574589148 108% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.5 11.7677419355 115% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 55.58 58.1214874552 96% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 10.1575268817 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.03 10.9000537634 101% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.25 8.01818996416 103% => OK
difficult_words: 79.0 86.8835125448 91% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 10.002688172 115% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 10.0537634409 115% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 10.247311828 117% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 76.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 23.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.