TPO 40: Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school.Do you think this is a good idea?Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Essay topics:

TPO 40: Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school.

Do you think this is a good idea?

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Submitted by sahar90o on Sun, 09/29/2019 - 10:16

Nowadays one of the main preoccupations of parents is about their children' performance at school. They constantly try to stimulate them with different strategies to study hard and get good grades at school. Among these strategies, one of them which is frequently used by parents is offering children money for each high grade. I think this approach is like a sword with two edges and have both advantages and disadvantages. However, if parents use it in a cautious manner it would be beneficial. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my viewpoint through three conspicuous reasons.

The most significant issue to be considered is the importance of learning the concept of endeavor by children. It is crucial that children learn, nothing comes easily and they should strive for everything. This strategy would be a proper choice to deeply establish this concept for them in their early ages. Gradually, they learn how to set a goal and persistently move toward it until they reach their destination, that is mainly because they have an impetus. From a psychological perspective children who nurture in this way would have a more prosperous life in future rather than other children who have everything readily whenever they want without any effort. As the first group believes that patience and constant endeavor are the main keys to success, they would withstand obstacle and difficulties in their way toward their goals. However, confronting a tough situation, the second group would set aside their aims easily.

Another issue coming to my mind which is worthy to mention is that this approach encourages children to improve their performance and correct their weaknesses. As a personal experience, when I was a middle school student, my father offered me a considerable sum of money for becoming the top student for a semester. For the first semester, I was not successful in contrast to my huge efforts. It was mainly due to my incorrect method of study, hence, I tried to change my strategy and it worked out and I became the top student for the next semester. In fact, my father's offer was a strong motivation for me to find out what was wrong in my performance and correct it.

As I mentioned in the first paragraph, this approach has its own pros and cons. It is probable that by this method, the value of science and education in children' mind be replaced by money. Hence, it is of great importance that parents clarify the significance of education for their children. Also, they should not ignore the importance of verbal encouragement and it is better that parents give money to their children not for high grades but for each little progress they make in their studies. Therefore, they understand that their parents appreciate their efforts and love them for what they are and what they want to be. It is crystal clear that if this method accompanies with mental and verbal motivation it would positive impacts on children's self-esteem and self-confidence. In fact, parents kill two birds with one stone, not only their children would get good grades, but also they would have higher self-confidence.

In conclusion, I believe if this method is implemented in the correct way its advantages outweigh its disadvantages since children learn the concept of endeavor, how to correct themselves and make progress in their school work, and improve their self-confidence.

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Average: 7.3 (1 vote)
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Independent TOEFL Writing

Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 452, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a cautious manner" with adverb for "cautious"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...sadvantages. However, if parents use it in a cautious manner it would be beneficial. In the followin...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, hence, however, if, second, so, therefore, i think, in conclusion, in contrast, in fact, in contrast to

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 15.1003584229 172% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 9.8082437276 112% => OK
Conjunction : 22.0 13.8261648746 159% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 11.0286738351 127% => OK
Pronoun: 86.0 43.0788530466 200% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 68.0 52.1666666667 130% => OK
Nominalization: 21.0 8.0752688172 260% => Less nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2833.0 1977.66487455 143% => OK
No of words: 564.0 407.700716846 138% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.02304964539 4.8611393121 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.87326216964 4.48103885553 109% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.87906303309 2.67179642975 108% => OK
Unique words: 266.0 212.727598566 125% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.471631205674 0.524837075471 90% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 849.6 618.680645161 137% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 20.0 9.59856630824 208% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 3.0 3.08781362007 97% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 3.51792114695 142% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.86738351254 107% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.94265232975 121% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 26.0 20.6003584229 126% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 20.1344086022 104% => OK
Sentence length SD: 44.6766323629 48.9658058833 91% => OK
Chars per sentence: 108.961538462 100.406767564 109% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.6923076923 20.6045352989 105% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.65384615385 5.45110844103 85% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.53405017921 110% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 17.0 11.8709677419 143% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 3.85842293907 78% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.88709677419 123% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.296299206664 0.236089414692 126% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0896130210465 0.076458572812 117% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0627822827687 0.0737576698707 85% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.175265173442 0.150856017488 116% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0793158423486 0.0645574589148 123% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.1 11.7677419355 111% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 58.1214874552 101% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 10.1575268817 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.84 10.9000537634 109% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.98 8.01818996416 100% => OK
difficult_words: 118.0 86.8835125448 136% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 7.0 10.002688172 70% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 10.0537634409 103% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 10.247311828 98% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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