The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.
"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."
In this memorandum, president of Pensvile a series of stores has indicated that the new store should be built in the area since that is popular and profitable and provides three possible reasons to convince readers: 1) all time the sale of products such as, sport shoes and clothes are high at any time,2) club is popular than it was in the past,3) school children need to do exercise in the club. Close scrutiny of this plan reveals some hidden facts about the mentioned grounds in the memo.
At the first place, club commodities are at the high level of sale which shows citizen need to employ shoes and clothes for sport is not rational, since perhaps it comparatively was low than other cities and this would be only estimate of president. Average sales for shoes and clothes had fluctuated season by season and had no constant rate in the region. And the store was sole store in the locale, hence building new store diminish its overall sales for the company. To support more, the region may be mountainous and with harsh climate which people require sport shoes and clothes to survive there and repairing cost for the shoes and clothes no longer is suitable.
Second, the popularity of the club may be related to change people’s lifestyle cause in the past in some seasons, farmers had no activities on lands, so they tend to work in club, hence they need more shoes and clothes. High rate of using club in the mentioned area perhaps associated to only one age group in the region like old persons having no certain job and a great desire to work in the club to take a break from unwind and undue pressure.
Third, participating children in the club is not sagacious option since they should play games to sparkle imagination and improving interpersonal interaction through find new friends during game. Fitness harm the mental and physical health of children and harm their grow rate because it affects their body to use some useful activities like running and speaking with other children.
To conclude, the memo puts some unconvincing arguments to support the popularity of club which tend to establish a new one in the local region. Investigating this memo reveals that there are some doubts about the reasons in above such as, climate condition of region , seasonal jobs of residents and low desire to work in the club specially among children. It is highly recommended that company be precise in establishing new club since it escalates financial burden on company.
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argument 1 -- it is wrong: Average sales for shoes and clothes had fluctuated season by season and had no constant rate in the region. Look: sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs.
argument 2 -- not exactly. There is only one club which is not the representative.
argument 3 -- not OK. 'regular exercise at an early age' doesn't mean they will buy the products for the store.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 429 350
No. of Characters: 2013 1500
No. of Different Words: 213 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.551 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.692 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.444 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 132 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 100 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 59 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 35 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 33 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 14.987 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.538 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.39 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.652 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.09 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5