The following appeared in a memorandum from the director of research and development at Ready-to-Ware, a software engineering firm.
The package of benefits and incentives that Ready-to-Ware offers to professional staff is too costly. Our quarterly profits have declined since the package was introduced two years ago, at the time of our incorporation. Moreover, the package had little positive effect, as we have had only marginal success in recruiting and training high-quality professional staff. To become more profitable again, Ready-to-Ware should, therefore, offer the reduced benefits package that was in place two years ago and use the savings to fund our current research and development initiatives.
The conclusion derived by the firm in relation to its quarterly performance is limited and short sighted. The argument mentioned in the above paragraph only discuss about the package of benefits and incentives that is being offered while ignoring other factors which may contribute to the poor quarterly performance.
Primarily, the argument does not take into consideration how well their sales has performed in the quarters following their incorporation. By analyzing the sales, the firm can gauge whether or not the company is bringing in more business, which in turn will provide more evidence into how well the professional staffs are performing and whether or not the package of benefits and incentives is reasonable. It is also important to analyze whether the firm is using the right methodology for recruiting new hires. The paragraph does not mention what were the strategies used in order to search for new hires, and it also fails to mention what were the qualification criteria for employment. By hiring staff members who does not meet eligibility criteria, the firm will not see any positive outcome. It is also vital to look into the market needs and how well the firm has adopted itself to the changing environment since incorporation. If the firm fails to adopt to the changing environment,
the quarterly profits can still go down which will be irrelevant to the package of benefits and incentives. The argument fails to mention how it will be profitable by reducing the benefits package.
Because the argument leaves out several key factors which will influence the quarterly profits, it is inconclusive that benefits package is affecting the firm’s quarterly profits. The argument can be substantiated if the above mentioned points are taken into consideration.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
minimum 3 arguments wanted. try to have 5 paragraphs:
paragraph 1: introduction.
paragraph 2: argument 1.
paragraph 3: argument 2.
paragraph 4: argument 3.
paragraph 5: conclusion.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 287 350
No. of Characters: 1473 1500
No. of Different Words: 138 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.116 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.132 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.831 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 101 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 93 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 64 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.917 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.558 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.396 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.533 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.112 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 183, Rule ID: WHETHER[7]
Message: Perhaps you can shorten this phrase to just 'whether'. It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Suggestion: whether
...analyzing the sales, the firm can gauge whether or not the company is bringing in more busines...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 338, Rule ID: WHETHER[7]
Message: Perhaps you can shorten this phrase to just 'whether'. It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Suggestion: whether
... professional staffs are performing and whether or not the package of benefits and incentives ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 956, Rule ID: ADOPT_TO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'adapt to'?
Suggestion: adapt to
...nce incorporation. If the firm fails to adopt to the changing environment, the quarter...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 990, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ls to adopt to the changing environment, the quarterly profits can still go down ...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, if, look, may, so, still, well, while
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.6327345309 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 13.6137724551 51% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 11.0 28.8173652695 38% => OK
Preposition: 34.0 55.5748502994 61% => OK
Nominalization: 21.0 16.3942115768 128% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1507.0 2260.96107784 67% => OK
No of words: 287.0 441.139720559 65% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.25087108014 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.11595363751 4.56307096286 90% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.94467349502 2.78398813304 106% => OK
Unique words: 144.0 204.123752495 71% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.501742160279 0.468620217663 107% => OK
syllable_count: 477.9 705.55239521 68% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 12.0 19.7664670659 61% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 51.8536937504 57.8364921388 90% => OK
Chars per sentence: 125.583333333 119.503703932 105% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.9166666667 23.324526521 103% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.0 5.70786347227 70% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.67664670659 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.149576079186 0.218282227539 69% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.059258121828 0.0743258471296 80% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0407708759817 0.0701772020484 58% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.102063671285 0.128457276422 79% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0157737079853 0.0628817314937 25% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.3 14.3799401198 106% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 39.67 48.3550499002 82% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 12.197005988 110% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.47 12.5979740519 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.79 8.32208582834 106% => OK
difficult_words: 73.0 98.500998004 74% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.