The following memorandum is from the president of Primo Doll Manufacturing, Inc.
“According to a survey last year of parents who purchased the Elkie, our most popular
doll, 90 percent reported that although their children were extremely satisfied with the
doll’s features, the doll quickly wore out with use. In a follow-up survey of the same
parents, 80 percent reported that they would recommend a more durable version of the
doll to their friends. In response to these surveys, we have created the Elkie-Advanced
Doll, which has similar features to the original Elkie Doll but is manufactured using the
same higher-quality materials used by Optima Doll Manufacturing, our most successful
competitor. Because parents can now purchase the beloved Elkie doll and be sure that it
won’t quickly wear out with use, we predict that our profits will exceed those of Optima
Doll Manufacturing this year.”
The memorandum from Primo Doll Manufacturing, claims that with the improved material, the Elkie doll will outsell the competitor. There is always a benefit in quality production, but the president's conclusion that this change will excel their sales over the Optima is a bit of a stretch. This argument cannot be substantiated until some important questions are answered.
First of all, what kind of advertising to Optima use to present their product? The argument states that this company is the most successful competitor, but fails to elaborate on reasons why this is true. This outcome is not necessarily a direct link to quality of the material. If this company has endorsements or better pricing rates, this could be an important factor in surges of sales. Advertising and public relations are important in any industry. Without a direct correlation to the Optima materials and sales, it cannot be guaranteed to lead to outselling the product with this change alone.
Second, what guarantees the company will be given a second chance? To sell a product that is not of top quality would result in loss of trust in the customer base. Any past buyers have good reason to be wary of their business practices after being disappointed in the past. Children tend to form a bond with their dolls, often dragging them around until they fall apart over time. To have a doll wear out in a short time would be a waste of money and continued expense for replacements. Dolls are meant to be played with and children should not be expected to tiptoe around them. A company with a good trusted track record is more likely to attract and keep customers.
Finally, what exactly makes the president so confident in the outcome? The president did not give sufficient evidence to warrant the assumption that Optima would lose their standing as a result of Elkie's change in production. Granted, this action taken as a direct result of customer feedback can only increase their declining sales. Responding to these complaints and releasing an improved model will certainly increase sales but the projection of defeating the opposition is a bit premature considering the information presented.
In conclusion, the claim does not hold water. This upgrade is certainly a step in the right direction, but the assumptions and vague analysis of the plummeting sales cannot be enough for the president's prediction.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 397 350
No. of Characters: 1957 1500
No. of Different Words: 214 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.464 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.929 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.714 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 140 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 103 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 75 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 54 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.045 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.904 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.455 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.251 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.475 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.039 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 188, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'presidents'' or 'president's'?
Suggestion: presidents'; president's
... benefit in quality production, but the presidents conclusion that this change will excel ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 50, Rule ID: USE_TO_VERB[1]
Message: Did you mean 'used'?
Suggestion: used
...all, what kind of advertising to Optima use to present their product? The argument ...
^^^
Line 17, column 192, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'presidents'' or 'president's'?
Suggestion: presidents'; president's
...ummeting sales cannot be enough for the presidents prediction.
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, finally, first, if, second, so, in conclusion, kind of, as a result, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 19.6327345309 112% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 5.0 13.6137724551 37% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 26.0 28.8173652695 90% => OK
Preposition: 59.0 55.5748502994 106% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2013.0 2260.96107784 89% => OK
No of words: 397.0 441.139720559 90% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.07052896725 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.46372701284 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.78714198556 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 216.0 204.123752495 106% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.544080604534 0.468620217663 116% => OK
syllable_count: 618.3 705.55239521 88% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 37.419886877 57.8364921388 65% => OK
Chars per sentence: 91.5 119.503703932 77% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.0454545455 23.324526521 77% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.90909090909 5.70786347227 68% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.103876083997 0.218282227539 48% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0312060074341 0.0743258471296 42% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0434246202891 0.0701772020484 62% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.061650396818 0.128457276422 48% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0433469181226 0.0628817314937 69% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.5 14.3799401198 80% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 53.21 48.3550499002 110% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.83 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.47 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 99.0 98.500998004 101% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.