Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children)
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people think that, unpaid public services like a volunteers, who help to society, should be one of the significant part of high school programs. Others oppose this idea. Actually, I agree with these necessary programs and i have several reasons to explain my answer, which are based on my own view and experience.
To begin with, everyone wants to be successful on way of career and starting career or business from voluntarism is good opportunity to apward through career ladder. For example, I wanted to apply some job a couple years ago, but there were no information in my resume about ma career and work, because I had not worked anywhere. Therefore, new employer did not enroll me for some vacancy. Thus, unpaid community service is good opportunity to have start-point. Information about these services, at first, give for us school programs. Without this kind of programs, it should be pretty difficult to get information about charity or help somebody without money - without indemnity. Moreover, this kind of school programs teach us about that, not everything could be buy by money. That is why I appreciate these schools, who respect unpaid community service and voluntarism.
Another factor for these programs are that, a teachers help and introduce into us responsibility and punctiality. Furthermore, attentiveness is another requirement. For instance, I remember, when I was a schoolboy, my teacher gave me a mission to teach a younger pupils how to play a football. After several days, I was happy, because my teacher acclaimed me, and gave a higher score for my ability of management. Furthermore, pupils that were taught by me, became to play football very well, later they became champions of the school championship.
Finally, both children and teachers benefit from programs, where unpaid community service is important and necesseray part for school life. Firstly, it is beneficial for staffs of school, because several works that have to be done by volunteers for free charge. It is cheaper. I want emphasize that, in the last winter Olimpic Games in Sochi more than half of all staffs were volunteers from different schools and colleges. It looked very spectacular. Therefore, it was beneficially for managers, because they could save a lot of money and it, secondly, beneficially for children, because they get a lot of experience from this job by doing volunteer work.
In the sum, I totally agree that, unpaid public services in school programs are strongly useful not only for children, but also for everyone.
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everyone wants to be successful on way of career and starting career or business from voluntarism is good opportunity to apward through career ladder.
everyone wants to be successful on way of career, and starting career or business from voluntarism is a good opportunity to upward through career ladder.
Thus, unpaid community service is good opportunity to have start-point.
Thus, unpaid community service is a good opportunity to have start-point.
Another factor for these programs are that,
Another factor for these programs is that,
a teachers help and introduce into us responsibility and punctiality.
the teachers can help and introduce us responsibility and punctiality.
Sentence: Actually, I agree with these necessary programs and i have several reasons to explain my answer, which are based on my own view and experience.
Description: 'which' refers to what?
Sentence: To begin with, everyone wants to be successful on way of career and starting career or business from voluntarism is good opportunity to apward through career ladder.
Error: apward Suggestion: award
Sentence: Another factor for these programs are that, a teachers help and introduce into us responsibility and punctiality.
Error: punctiality Suggestion: punctually
Sentence: Finally, both children and teachers benefit from programs, where unpaid community service is important and necesseray part for school life.
Error: necesseray Suggestion: necessary
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
Read a good grammar book.
The essay is not well organized. Don't try to talk everything. Need to focus. Try this pattern:
Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree.
Para 2:First,reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 2 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).
Para 3:Second,reason 2 ,blabla... do the same thing like First
Para 4:Third, reason 3 blabla... do the same thing like First but shorter
Para 5: Conclusion.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 416 350
No. of Characters: 2058 1500
No. of Different Words: 216 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.516 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.947 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.72 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 161 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 116 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 79 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.087 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.762 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.652 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.267 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.464 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.078 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5