The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books.
"We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café."
In the about contention is recommended by Board of Directors of Monarch books that they should have to open a café in its store and for this recommendation they have provided reasons like monarch running this business at the same location since more than twenty years and have a large customer pool because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. So, opening the café would attract more customer. In addition, the thought that by opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal bools, which recently opened its own new café. To make a space in monarch book, the board of directors suggesting them to discontinue the children’s book section on basis of future assumption which is completely irrelevant. This recommendation is somewhat still need to fill sum blanks to strengthen it, which I have mention in below paragraphs.
Firstly, as given in the about clues monarch book is well known since long time and they have wide numbers of customers which proved that they are doing well in business then why they have to enter in new area of business, how can board of directors think that by adding café they can increase there pool of customers though they are already have a sound numbers of customers. Additionally, what is the guaranty that the new café will going to give an increase in customer pool?
Secondly, the board of directors, suggesting that monarch book could make a place by discontinuing the children’s book section on basis of national census report which indicating the significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten which ultimately going to decline the market of children’s books which shows irrelevant comparison between the national census report and monarch book’s children section books. Because they didn’t have provide the connectivity between these two points. Hence one can not take a decision on future assumption on basis of some report which even didn’t have valid reason behind that data. They are even not providing the statistical data like which area they have covered to take their survey? How many numbers of population they have covered to find out the conclusion?
Thirdly, the board of directors, are comparing the monarch book with the regal book and saying that regal book also has recently open café, but the author didn’t have provide how that café if going? Are they earning any profit or not? Will this new idea helping them to attract more customers or not? And on which parameters the board of directors are comparing these two bookstores? Because we have the information about the monarch book, but we didn’t have any information regarding regal book. Since how long they are in this field? Are they have a hefty customer pool or not? Without having complete data about both bookstores, one cannot compare them and mimic the other store ideas.
To conclude, to strengthen their suggestion the board of directors should have to give more in depth data before giving the recommendation.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 512 350
No. of Characters: 2467 1500
No. of Different Words: 221 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.757 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.818 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.516 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 150 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 121 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 78 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 54 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.381 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 18.53 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.381 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.323 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.495 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.109 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 436, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: 'go'
Suggestion: go
... is the guaranty that the new café will going to give an increase in customer pool? ...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 431, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Because” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
... monarch book’s children section books. Because they didn’t have provide the connectivi...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 456, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'provided'.
Suggestion: provided
...section books. Because they didn’t have provide the connectivity between these two poin...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 507, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
... connectivity between these two points. Hence one can not take a decision on future a...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 168, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'provided'.
Suggestion: provided
...y open café, but the author didn’t have provide how that café if going? Are they earnin...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 141, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... data before giving the recommendation.
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, hence, if, regarding, second, secondly, so, still, then, third, thirdly, well, in addition
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 19.0 13.6137724551 140% => OK
Pronoun: 43.0 28.8173652695 149% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 84.0 55.5748502994 151% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 16.3942115768 110% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2550.0 2260.96107784 113% => OK
No of words: 508.0 441.139720559 115% => OK
Chars per words: 5.01968503937 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.74751043592 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.60748242524 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 223.0 204.123752495 109% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.438976377953 0.468620217663 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 774.0 705.55239521 110% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 111.688301285 57.8364921388 193% => OK
Chars per sentence: 121.428571429 119.503703932 102% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.1904761905 23.324526521 104% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.57142857143 5.70786347227 98% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 6.88822355289 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.67664670659 214% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.412544444194 0.218282227539 189% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.117316294947 0.0743258471296 158% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.128628013039 0.0701772020484 183% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.237386684153 0.128457276422 185% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.166213719665 0.0628817314937 264% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.3 14.3799401198 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 55.58 48.3550499002 115% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.13 12.5979740519 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.56 8.32208582834 91% => OK
difficult_words: 88.0 98.500998004 89% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 17.5 12.3882235529 141% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.