The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books.
Prompt:
"We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café."
The recommendation letters from the directors of Monarch books argue that opening a novel cafe will bring attractions of more customers and proportional sales increment with Regal books company which recently opened its own business. The evidences he mentioned such as the market size of targeted area and the analysis of trend of teenagers seem enough for his conclusion that suggested related factors to the profits of two distinct stores interactions. however, there are factors the author should substantiate to strengthen his power of persuation for the readers by indicating reliable sources to support his stance. In this essay
The most significant issue what must be addressed first is the relationship of the copious amount users for the wide choice of books on all subjects and the probability of correction for the author's assumption in the real-world. People who feel comfortable reading books in their relaxed zones, their houses or familiarized nearby cafe, pretend a disproportionately declined predilection to both spend money for the store and cases. Moreover, the recent study represent the number of customers loves to read books and spent their free-time to have a habits to drop off the bookstore involve the pretension to be an introspective person not extroverted one.
The author further failed to assume the main purpose of cafe and attraction points from customers which is actually for chatting to the friends or related colleagues or neighbors when they would like to share their stacked experiences for a long time ( a day, month, or years). Meanwhile, the essential goals for bookstores customers is to buy or search journals or easy-read books, thus, they might be alone or not to spend their budget for the cafe. Therefore, the author probably recognize the aim of the cafe for customers are not always similar to the customers for bookstore. although the border of directors organize and predict the behaviors of them perfectly to attract customers, the growth of satisfaction of the them is totally different problems to prohibit the regretting their impulsive overspent for unplanned products.
On the top of that, spacious region for the kids may not contribute to the incline in the percentage of the population under age ten by establishing new facilities for teenagers. The main reasons are the children need to follow the determination of their parents, so they are not the decision-makers. even if the satisfaction of the child will pursue their mother to attract, however, I recommend the more practical ways to advise the well-made educational factors to attract family instead of attracting children itself. parents are interested in sources which lead their child to the positive direction although those kind of contents might not be attract children. For instance, the almost parents in the Korea spent large amount of their working payment to the fees for the academy or institutions.
In sum, even though the relevant matters clarified by himself satisfied to his conclusion to incline the willingness of customers who visited the bookstore to be attracted to the cafe in the business again, we have already seen several examples disagree with his assertions and devised a solution of the profits of their tips for operation. Consequently, it is hard to generalize which side on this issue are dominant and it would be better to consider all the factors to enhance the readability and credibility of his argument.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 558 350
No. of Characters: 2864 1500
No. of Different Words: 297 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.86 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.133 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.894 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 212 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 175 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 124 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 89 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 39.857 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 17.888 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.316 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.595 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.085 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 456, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: However
...ts of two distinct stores interactions. however, there are factors the author should su...
^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 635, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ces to support his stance. In this essay The most significant issue what must be ...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 192, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...d the probability of correction for the authors assumption in the real-world. People wh...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 549, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[1]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'a habit' or simply 'habits'?
Suggestion: a habit; habits
...books and spent their free-time to have a habits to drop off the bookstore involve the p...
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 251, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...heir stacked experiences for a long time a day, month, or years. Meanwhile, the e...
^^
Line 5, column 581, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Although
...similar to the customers for bookstore. although the border of directors organize and pr...
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 719, Rule ID: DT_PRP[1]
Message: Possible typo. Did you mean 'the' or 'them'?
Suggestion: the; them
...ustomers, the growth of satisfaction of the them is totally different problems to prohib...
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 835, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...lsive overspent for unplanned products. On the top of that, spacious region for ...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 302, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Even
...s, so they are not the decision-makers. even if the satisfaction of the child will p...
^^^^
Line 7, column 523, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Parents
... instead of attracting children itself. parents are interested in sources which lead th...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 615, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this kind' or 'those kinds'?
Suggestion: this kind; those kinds
...hild to the positive direction although those kind of contents might not be attract childr...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, but, consequently, first, however, if, may, moreover, so, then, therefore, thus, well, while, for instance, kind of, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.6327345309 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 18.0 11.1786427146 161% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 36.0 28.8173652695 125% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 79.0 55.5748502994 142% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 16.3942115768 110% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2915.0 2260.96107784 129% => OK
No of words: 558.0 441.139720559 126% => OK
Chars per words: 5.22401433692 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.86024933743 4.56307096286 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.94748172852 2.78398813304 106% => OK
Unique words: 304.0 204.123752495 149% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.544802867384 0.468620217663 116% => OK
syllable_count: 897.3 705.55239521 127% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 32.0 22.8473053892 140% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 56.2180012791 57.8364921388 97% => OK
Chars per sentence: 171.470588235 119.503703932 143% => OK
Words per sentence: 32.8235294118 23.324526521 141% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.88235294118 5.70786347227 138% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 11.0 5.25449101796 209% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.187294717368 0.218282227539 86% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.058713532787 0.0743258471296 79% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0636238614983 0.0701772020484 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.103459451529 0.128457276422 81% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0536051141501 0.0628817314937 85% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 19.6 14.3799401198 136% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 39.0 48.3550499002 81% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.8 12.197005988 130% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.59 12.5979740519 108% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.81 8.32208582834 118% => OK
difficult_words: 162.0 98.500998004 164% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 14.8 11.1389221557 133% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 75.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.