Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does
After finishing college or university, youths inter to job markets, which means, they officially transit to adult world. They are going to be productive, responsible and a part of the serious life. This is a tough move in any body's life, since it impresses every single part of a person's life. However, I reckon that the moment we enter in a work place, noting can influence on our happiness more than our job. Jobs can grant us confidence and dignity, as well as that, jobs bring meaning in our life. In subsequent paragraphs more elaboration on my point is presented.
To begin with, I can remember when I was a kid, I always had a dream job and saw myself as a doctor. It is the same for all of children. I assert that this passion for having a career from childhood proves that jobs have always been a vital part of our life, which we have been dreaming and planning them for years. Once, one graduates from college or university, he is ready to find a job and utilize his knowledge and skill in that. When somebody is hired, he should be at work most of the day, although, I believe jobs take something beyond our time, they needs our attention, energy and effort. We strive fiercely for success and our goals, yet, we are struggling over numerous obstacles. Eventually, after all these, the result, which we gain can make us happier more than anything else can do, because it is a sign of our proper and competency. I believe this can explain why people who are in high position jobs have more dignity and self respect.
Furthermore, after a certain age, jobs convey meaning to our life. Based on one of the most accepted theories in psychology, between 40s-50s, human comes across this notion that he has to train younger generations in order to transfer his wise and find himself valuable. Apparently, work place is one of the best places for somebody who aims at teaching youth, because, being middle-aged, a person is well experienced and skillful to assist others in improving their careers. As a result, people can fulfill their life, and nothing is more satisfying than been a useful person and a guide for those who ask for help.
Beside all this, sometime we can make good friends and pleasant relationships at work. For example, there are some occasions in which all people who work together at an office, have parties or a charity meeting and so on. In these situations, they can enjoy couple of hours without thinking about work issues, however, these sorts of gathering, simultaneously, can led to better environment at work. So people can benefit from both work and networks which are built up in work place context.
In one word, jobs take a significant amount of our life, and during the age which we are supposed to be active and productive, jobs can provide us with great opportunities and then enrich our life.
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Sentence: When somebody is hired, he should be at work most of the day, although, I believe jobs take something beyond our time, they needs our attention, energy and effort.
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to they and needs
Sentence: In these situations, they can enjoy couple of hours without thinking about work issues, however, these sorts of gathering, simultaneously, can led to better environment at work.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to can and led
flaws:
The essay is not exactly right on the topic. You didn't argue why 'Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does'
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? in 30
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 502 350
No. of Characters: 2263 1500
No. of Different Words: 268 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.733 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.508 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.457 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 146 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 102 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 64 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 40 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.826 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.971 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.478 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.302 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.492 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.151 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5