the reading passage was about the small mammal, which lives in water along the western coast of North America - sohrab
In this set of material, the reading passage was about the small mammal, which lives in water along the western coast of North America; moreover, the listening passage was a lecture by a professor about the reading passage which was disagree whit some point in the reading passage.
According to the reading passage, there are some small mammals in the western coast of North America; for example, seals and sea lions, which are living in the mentioned area for a very long times. Moreover, there are several problems for mentioned mammals; to explain more, they, for example, are in danger because of the pollution, pollution is a very important disease for them, which could produce many problems for them. Scientists, who are study mentioned area, believe that the pollution may be the cause of some other problems such as otter decline.
According to the listening passage, the professor believes that pollution is not the main problem; to explain more, she believes that because of the lack of population in the western coast of North America, pollution could not be the main reason of the small mammals population problem. To explain more, she believes that the problem is haunting and start to \kill the sea mammals. She, for example, talked about the native people who are living in the western coast of North America, whom needs food, and they should prepare it by hunting.
Overall, the reading passage believed that the mentioned problem is caused because of pollution, and the professor in the listening passage was not agree and believed that the problem is caused because of hunting.
which was disagree whit some point in the reading passage.
which disagrees with some points in the reading passage.
whom needs food
who needs food
was not agree
does not agree
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
The correct pattern:
para 1: introduction
para 2: doubt 1
para 3: doubt 2
para 4: doubt 3
Don't need to reiterate the contents of reading passages or as less as possible.
Don't need a conclusion paragraph.
Read sample essays from ETS:
http://www.testbig.com/users/toeflwritingmaster
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 20 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 8 12
No. of Words: 267 250
No. of Characters: 1291 1200
No. of Different Words: 104 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.042 4.2
Average Word Length: 4.835 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.277 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 96 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 85 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 35 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 22 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 33.375 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.222 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.625 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.495 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.736 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.269 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4