Argument Essay:->
Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products, is opening its next franchise in the town of Plainsville. The store should prove to be very successful: Nature's Way franchises tend to be most profitable in areas where residents lead healthy lives, and clearly Plainsville is such an area. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time high. The local health club has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. Finally, Plainsville's schoolchildren represent a new generation of potential customers: these schoolchildren are required to participate in a fitness-for-life program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age.
The author's argument that the store should prove to be very successful in the area where residents lead healthy lives, as they are concerned towards their health seems to be tenable at first glance. However, the conclusion relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence.
To begin with, author consider that the store earns more profit in areas like Plainville's where the natives were more conscious towards their health, but the evidences given like high sales of shoes and clothing, weakens the argument as It is difficult to consider that residents who were buying running shoes and exercise clothing shall also buy health products from this Nature's way store. People could have bought sports shoes to be worn with casual dresses and use them as fashion accessories. So it cannot be assumed that if people were buying running shoes they are more concerned towards their health and shall buy health products to get artificial energy.
In addition to it, the argument that the local health club has more members than ever and the weight training and aerobic classes are always full, may not help Nature's Way store to make high profits as it is slightly chancy to consider that the people who are regularly attending exercise classes also intake health products or protein supplements. Artificial health related products can never be compared to the natural food like rice, cereals etc., as the artificial products contain preservatives which could leads to harmful effects on people's health. Therefore, it is difficult to consider that high participation of natives in aerobic and exercise classes shall help the store to make profits.
Furthermore, authors argument that school children could be the potential customers which shall benefit the store, has lack of evidence, as it is difficult to consider that majority of students shall participate in various fitness programs. Students could be more focused towards their career due to which it could be possible that they shall never astray from their path. However, even if these health programs are able to encourage more students, still it is difficult to consider that the store shall earn profits as there could be a possibility that students have various health related constraints like allergy to artificial supplements etc. due to which these health product does not suit them. These supplements always come with an age limitation below which a person will be unable to intake these products so if the majority of natives in Plainville's are below defined age then they shall not intake those products.
In conclusion, writer may not be necessarily wrong to assert that these stores could attract more fitness concerned people which help them to earn profits. But this argument provided by author is not substantiated with enough evidences like people attending aerobic and exercise classes or buying running shoes and exercise clothing etc. will increase the revenue of the store as there are other factors affecting the sales and profit of the store. There is a possibility that the area already has another health product store which can give the new store a tough competition or people who are living in that area are do not prefer artificial supplements thereby directly affecting the store's expectation. To bolster the argument, author has to submit more conclusive evidences which highlights the zeal and enthusiasm of the natives towards exercise and there attraction towards eating health products more manifestly.
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Comments
Can you please tell me that
Can you please tell me that how can I remove such type of mistakes. And one thing more that how many grammatical mistakes(maximum) will ETS avoid in an essay.
You will need to be more
You will need to be more careful on typing. They are not serious grammatical issues. And leave about 3-5 minutes double check grammar and spelling errors.
Look:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
the last number 2 means you are allowed to have two grammatical issues or spelling errors.
Sentence: To begin with, author consider that the store earns more profit in areas like Plainville's where the natives were more conscious towards their health, but the evidences given like high sales of shoes and clothing, weakens the argument as It is difficult to consider that residents who were buying running shoes and exercise clothing shall also buy health products from this Nature's way store.
Description: The fragment author consider that is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace consider with verb, past tense
Sentence: Artificial health related products can never be compared to the natural food like rice, cereals etc., as the artificial products contain preservatives which could leads to harmful effects on people's health.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to could and leads
Sentence: Furthermore, authors argument that school children could be the potential customers which shall benefit the store, has lack of evidence, as it is difficult to consider that majority of students shall participate in various fitness programs.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: author's argument
Sentence: To bolster the argument, author has to submit more conclusive evidences which highlights the zeal and enthusiasm of the natives towards exercise and there attraction towards eating health products more manifestly.
Description: An existential there is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to there and attraction
Sentence: In addition to it, the argument that the local health club has more members than ever and the weight training and aerobic classes are always full, may not help Nature's Way store to make high profits as it is slightly chancy to consider that the people who are regularly attending exercise classes also intake health products or protein supplements.
Error: chancy Suggestion: chance
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Words: 565 350
Avg. Sentence Length: 35.312 21.0
The conclusion is too long.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 565 350
No. of Characters: 2900 1500
No. of Different Words: 235 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.875 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.133 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.503 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 223 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 167 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 107 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 55 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 35.312 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 14.11 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.688 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.394 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.615 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.134 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5