The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following
recommendation to the company's president.
"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."
In the letter, the author argues that to prevent employees from wasting time, they should implement electronic monitoring of their internet use from their workstation. And he cites various reasons to bolster it. However, none of these are convincing because the claim relies on a series of unsubstantiated assumptions which render them unconvincing on their stand.
first, the argument unfairly rests on the assumption that all the things empolyees do in the computer is shopping or playing games. thus,the author argues that they waste time.however, there is absents evidece to support it. so, it is as likely that they communication or chatting with their client to develop their relationship in order to deepen their understand of their company which is benefit to their business. however, if the company conduct the practice, i imagine that these empolyees will aviod do it in order to decrease the possiblity of misunderstanding by their leader and the punishment.
second, the author unfairly assumes that even if their stuffs spend time on playing games, it is necessary that they will waste time? the author argues that only the employees work all the time, the profits would be improve, or decrease. however, it is know to us that high efficiency in not the result of the whole time working, but the best distribute of the time. if they are too tired to work any more, the suppression from the leaders may make them less power to do other things. in contrast,offering the stuffs the chance to enjoy themselves when they have accomplished an item of the thing, they will be in gratitude to the company and will be work hard for it.
third, the author also unfairly assumes that the only way that the stuffs wasting time is to play computer. thus ,the author argues that only if we prevent employees from surfing internet,there be no chance for them to waste time. however, the thinking is navie. in my view, if the stuff dissatisfy of the management of the leader, they will try to protest in secret, instead of surfing the internet, they can be chat with colleagues, which is difficlut for leaders to oversee.
in sum , the argument is unpersuasive and in order to bolster it , the author need to offer more evidences to substantiate these assumetions mentioned.
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Sentence: first, the argument unfairly rests on the assumption that all the things empolyees do in the computer is shopping or playing games. thus,the author argues that they waste time.however, there is absents evidece to support it. so, it is as likely that they communication or chatting with their client to develop their relationship in order to deepen their understand of their company which is benefit to their business. however, if the company conduct the practice, i imagine that these empolyees will
Description: The token is is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to is and absents
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to they and communication
Description: A determiner, possessive is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to their and understand
Sentence: second, the author unfairly assumes that even if their stuffs spend time on playing games, it is necessary that they will waste time? the author argues that only the employees work all the time, the profits would be improve, or decrease. however, it is know to us that high efficiency in not the result of the whole time working, but the best distribute of the time. if they are too tired to work any more, the suppression from the leaders may make them less power to do other things. in contrast,
Description: The token is is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to is and know
Description: The token in is not usually followed by a negator
Suggestion: Refer to in and not
Sentence: first, the argument unfairly rests on the assumption that all the things empolyees do in the computer is shopping or playing games. thus,the author argues that they waste time.however, there is absents evidece to support it. so, it is as likely that they communication or chatting with their client to develop their relationship in order to deepen their understand of their company which is benefit to their business. however, if the company conduct the practice, i imagine that these empolyees will
Error: empolyees Suggestion: employees
Error: evidece Suggestion: evidence
Sentence: aviod do it in order to decrease the possiblity of misunderstanding by their leader and the punishment.
Error: aviod Suggestion: avoid
Error: possiblity Suggestion: possibility
Sentence: third, the author also unfairly assumes that the only way that the stuffs wasting time is to play computer. thus ,the author argues that only if we prevent employees from surfing internet,there be no chance for them to waste time. however, the thinking is navie. in my view, if the stuff dissatisfy of the management of the leader, they will try to protest in secret, instead of surfing the internet, they can be chat with colleagues, which is difficlut for leaders to oversee.
Error: difficlut Suggestion: difficult
Error: navie Suggestion: naive
Sentence: in sum , the argument is unpersuasive and in order to bolster it , the author need to offer more evidences to substantiate these assumetions mentioned.
Error: assumetions Suggestion: assumptions
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 9 15
No. of Words: 386 350
No. of Characters: 1837 1500
No. of Different Words: 179 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.432 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.759 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.635 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 124 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 93 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 56 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 37 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 42.889 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 30.935 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.444 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.382 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.716 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.146 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5