The following appeared in a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College.
"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument
In the memo, the director of student of Buckingham college concluded that the Buckingham college should build a number of new dormitories to meet the increasing demand of the students. He comes to this conclusion based on report indicating increase in the enrollment and living cost outside the campus. As it stands now, the director contention might be true, however, the director needs to provide three pieces of additional evidence to bolster its credibility.
First of all, the author assumes that the current trend is going to continue over the next 50 years. But this might not be true. Perhaps there will be an economic recession in coming years and this recession will significantly affect people's ability to spend money on education as they will not have enough money. Additionally it is also possible that there will be emergence of a new College in the next 50 years; and as a result people will also get admitted to that college which will eventually reduce the enrollment in Buckingham college. If either of the scenario is true, then the author assumption doesn't hold water.
Moreover, the author assumes that students will not be able to pay the rent for the apartment. Perhaps this might not be true. It is very much possible that students studying in the college comes from a very wealthy family and willing to pay a lot for education. Additionally it is also possible that, students who study in the college into the various department comes from the different town of the country. So when the cost of renting is increased, it is not going to affect the students who come from different part of country. If the above mentioned scenario is true, then the author assumption is significantly weakened.
Finally, the author assumes that no other factor other than dormitories attracts the students in the college. But this is might not be the case. It possible that students priorotize education over dormitory. If the college education is not upto to the mark, then the students will not be enrolled to the students just because it has attractive new good dormitory. Additionally, it is also possible that there is another college in the town that already has good dormitory facilities with cheap cost. If it is true then students will not be attracted fully to only this college, they will be attracted to other college to. If this scenario is true then the author contention is flawed.
In the conclusion, the director may be correct in concluding about building new dormitories in the Buckingham college. However as it stands now, the conclusion rests on three unwarantted assumption which hinders its validity. If the author provides answers to the above the question, it would increase the persuasiveness of his argument.
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- Cambridge IELTS 11 Test 5 writing task 1 82
Comments
Essay evaluations by e-grader
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 315, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Additionally,
...ion as they will not have enough money. Additionally it is also possible that there will be ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 607, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...rio is true, then the author assumption doesnt hold water. Moreover, the author as...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 264, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Additionally,
...and willing to pay a lot for education. Additionally it is also possible that, students who ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 623, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
... will be attracted to other college to. If this scenario is true then the author c...
^^
Line 9, column 120, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
... dormitories in the Buckingham college. However as it stands now, the conclusion rests ...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 188, Rule ID: CD_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun 'assumption' seems to be countable, so consider using: 'assumptions'.
Suggestion: assumptions
...e conclusion rests on three unwarantted assumption which hinders its validity. If the auth...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, however, if, may, moreover, so, then, as a result, first of all, it is true
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 27.0 19.6327345309 138% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 16.0 13.6137724551 118% => OK
Pronoun: 35.0 28.8173652695 121% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 54.0 55.5748502994 97% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2295.0 2260.96107784 102% => OK
No of words: 461.0 441.139720559 105% => OK
Chars per words: 4.97830802603 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.63367139033 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.73179215775 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 194.0 204.123752495 95% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.420824295011 0.468620217663 90% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 709.2 705.55239521 101% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.70958083832 258% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 48.8432157236 57.8364921388 84% => OK
Chars per sentence: 95.625 119.503703932 80% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.2083333333 23.324526521 82% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.25 5.70786347227 74% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.245266214611 0.218282227539 112% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0735971425009 0.0743258471296 99% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.105892709315 0.0701772020484 151% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.15952289397 0.128457276422 124% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0947141441056 0.0628817314937 151% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.6 14.3799401198 81% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 60.65 48.3550499002 125% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.197005988 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.6 12.5979740519 92% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.49 8.32208582834 90% => OK
difficult_words: 85.0 98.500998004 86% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 315, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Additionally,
...ion as they will not have enough money. Additionally it is also possible that there will be ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 607, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...rio is true, then the author assumption doesnt hold water. Moreover, the author as...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 264, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Additionally,
...and willing to pay a lot for education. Additionally it is also possible that, students who ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 623, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
... will be attracted to other college to. If this scenario is true then the author c...
^^
Line 9, column 120, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
... dormitories in the Buckingham college. However as it stands now, the conclusion rests ...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 188, Rule ID: CD_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun 'assumption' seems to be countable, so consider using: 'assumptions'.
Suggestion: assumptions
...e conclusion rests on three unwarantted assumption which hinders its validity. If the auth...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, however, if, may, moreover, so, then, as a result, first of all, it is true
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 27.0 19.6327345309 138% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 16.0 13.6137724551 118% => OK
Pronoun: 35.0 28.8173652695 121% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 54.0 55.5748502994 97% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2295.0 2260.96107784 102% => OK
No of words: 461.0 441.139720559 105% => OK
Chars per words: 4.97830802603 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.63367139033 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.73179215775 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 194.0 204.123752495 95% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.420824295011 0.468620217663 90% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 709.2 705.55239521 101% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.70958083832 258% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 48.8432157236 57.8364921388 84% => OK
Chars per sentence: 95.625 119.503703932 80% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.2083333333 23.324526521 82% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.25 5.70786347227 74% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.245266214611 0.218282227539 112% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0735971425009 0.0743258471296 99% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.105892709315 0.0701772020484 151% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.15952289397 0.128457276422 124% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0947141441056 0.0628817314937 151% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.6 14.3799401198 81% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 60.65 48.3550499002 125% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.197005988 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.6 12.5979740519 92% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.49 8.32208582834 90% => OK
difficult_words: 85.0 98.500998004 86% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.