The diagram below shows the changes in that area of Mary farmland in England from 1960 to 2000.
The diagram illustrates the improvement made in Queen Mary Hospital by three stages in 1960, 1980 and 2000.
At the first stage of development, the area has divided into four buildings namely; a shopping centre, a hospital, farmland and a car park. While a hospital is located at the right corner of the area, a shopping centre is on the left side of the hospital, below of the shopping centre is farmland and carpark is below of the hospital.
In 1980, the shopping centre has demolished and newly built of cancer centre and pharmacy. The pharmacy building has closely built next to the hospital. Farmland has turned into the nursing school. The other two buildings (hospital and car park) have remained in that spot.
By 2000, the cancer centre has expanded its size to devour up the area of the nursing school. While the nursing school has used up the car park’s spaces, the car park’s size has reduced in half.
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the shopping centre has demolished and newly built of cancer centre and pharmacy.
the shopping centre was demolished, and a cancer centre and pharmacy was built.
The pharmacy building has closely built next to the hospital.
The pharmacy building has been closely built next to the hospital.
flaws:
No. of Different Words: 78 100
Need to compare and contrast. Don't need:
At the first stage of development, the area has divided into four buildings namely; a shopping centre, a hospital, farmland and a car park.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 9 10
No. of Words: 161 200
No. of Characters: 730 1000
No. of Different Words: 78 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.562 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.534 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.292 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 53 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 34 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 25 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 6 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.889 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.279 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.333 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.451 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.706 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.138 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4