Parents today are more involved in their children's education than were parents in the past.
We are living in a new era of our society where everything is so different from the past due to the impact of technology and social progress. And education is also among the things that have been changed in term of quality and quantity. And some people point out that parents today are more involved in their children's education. Personally speaking, I disagree with this statement and I will elaborate my reasons in this essay.
First of all, due to the past pace of contemporary society, adults, such as our parents, are much more busier than before. A person with a job typically has to spend a great part of his daytime working, leaving only a relatively small fraction of time to be managed himself. What's more, after a day of work, he may have to handle some other issues apart from his children's education, such as hanging out with his friends or shopping with his wife. Because of all these things, parents today can't focus as much efforts as before to play a more important role in their children's study. For example. My father is an hardworking businessman. Although he wants to pay more attention to my education , but he simply can't because he need to invest a lot of time on making money so that our family will be able to live a better life.
Secondly, the materials that are taught in schools are much more complicated than before, which means parents can't help much with the homework of their children. After leaving schools for such long time, parents may be able to handle some problems of the homework from primary school, but as their children grow up the problem are getting harder every year. For instance, I used to ask my parents for help when I ran into trouble with my homework, especially math. At first they were able to help me out when I was in primary school. Then after I go to high school, asking them for help is impossible because they have forgotten the knowledge almost completely.
In a nutshell, because people are busier than before and the materials of the schools are getting harder, parents today are less involved in their children's education.
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are much more busier than
are much more busy than
are much busier than
Although he wants to pay more attention to my education , but he simply can't
Description: don't put 'although' 'but' in one sentence.
for such long time,
for such a long time,
flaws:
Duplicated content between the argument and the example, look:
Secondly, the materials that are taught in schools are much more complicated than before, which means parents can't help much with the homework of their children. After leaving schools for such long time, parents may be able to handle some problems of the homework from primary school, but as their children grow up the problem are getting harder every year.
For instance, I used to ask my parents for help when I ran into trouble with my homework, especially math. At first they were able to help me out when I was in primary school. Then after I go to high school, asking them for help is impossible because they have forgotten the knowledge almost completely.
You may remove the example from 'For instance,...', and put more arguments. The second paragraph has his issue too.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 370 350
No. of Characters: 1688 1500
No. of Different Words: 190 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.386 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.562 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.39 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 119 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 83 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 48 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 30 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.765 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.156 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.647 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.318 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.491 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.09 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5