The following appeared in an e-mail sent by the marketing director of the Classical Shakespeare Theatre of Bardville.
"Over the past ten years, there has been a 20 percent decline in the size of the average audience at Classical Shakespeare Theatre productions. In spite of increased advertising, we are attracting fewer and fewer people to our shows, causing our profits to decrease significantly. We must take action to attract new audience members. The best way to do so is by instituting a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program this summer. Two years ago the nearby Avon Repertory Company started a 'Free Plays in the Park' program, and its profits have increased 10 percent since then. If we start a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program, we can predict that our profits will increase, too."
The marketing director recommends Classical Shakespeare Theatre of Bardville performing a ‘Shakespeare in the Park’ program to attract new audiences. However, several questions in the argument need to be addressed to make the suggestion more convincing.
The author claims that making more advertisement does not attract more people to the show. Nevertheless, a correlation between increasing advertising and attracting more people does not necessarily infer a causal relation. It is entirely possible that there are some other important factors contributing to appeal to more people. For example, in sociological opinions, lots of people migrating to other towns due to rare job opportunities would decrease the population so as to make the fewer audiences attend the theatre. Another possibility is that the major audiences for the theatre are the elder, so more and more of them dying lets the audiences decrease. Therefore, if the condition corresponds to the possibilities mentioned above, investing in advertising would not help attract more people.
In addition, in technological opinions, some new technologies generate the possibility of making people stay at home to see the show. For instance, if one of the audiences uploads the whole show to Youtube, everyone owning the internet can see it by cellphones or computers. Although the audiences and the profits in the theatre decline, creating a new method such as live streaming on the internet also can generate more profit from advertisements on the internet. Therefore, maybe the director can do a survey for audiences to realize how they see the show.
The author claims that performing a ‘Shakespeare in the Park’ program which is similar to ‘Free Play in the Park’ program by the other company can attract more people. Nonetheless, the author fails to consider some possible differences between them that might help to bring about a different result for ‘Shakespeare in the Park’ program. Perhaps Avon Repertory Company has the most famous band in the recent year so any activity, especially free, performing by them can attract people coming from everywhere. Without accounting for other possible dissimilarities, the author cannot assume that what resulted in increasing audiences in ‘Free Play in the Park’ program would bring about the same result in ‘Shakespeare in the Park’ program.
In conclusion, the author needs to address the questions as above mentioned to strengthen the argument.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 385 350
No. of Characters: 2026 1500
No. of Different Words: 182 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.43 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.262 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.948 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 156 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 125 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 92 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 66 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.647 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.097 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.706 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.357 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.614 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.144 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
The marketing director recommends Classi...
^^^^
Line 1, column 93, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...espeare Theatre of Bardville performing a 'Shakespeare in the Park' pro...
^
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...o make the suggestion more convincing. The author claims that making more adver...
^^^^
Line 2, column 473, Rule ID: SO_AS_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'to'
Suggestion: to
...rtunities would decrease the population so as to make the fewer audiences attend the the...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...g would not help attract more people. In addition, in technological opinions, ...
^^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...nces to realize how they see the show. The author claims that performing a &apo...
^^^^
Line 4, column 39, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
... The author claims that performing a 'Shakespeare in the Park' pro...
^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...Shakespeare in the Park' program. In conclusion, the author needs to addre...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, if, may, nevertheless, nonetheless, so, then, therefore, as to, for example, for instance, in addition, in conclusion, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 6.0 19.6327345309 31% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 4.0 11.1786427146 36% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 7.0 13.6137724551 51% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 12.0 28.8173652695 42% => OK
Preposition: 55.0 55.5748502994 99% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 16.3942115768 61% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2143.0 2260.96107784 95% => OK
No of words: 385.0 441.139720559 87% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.56623376623 5.12650576532 109% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.4296068528 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.26636776467 2.78398813304 117% => OK
Unique words: 186.0 204.123752495 91% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.483116883117 0.468620217663 103% => OK
syllable_count: 673.2 705.55239521 95% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 1.0 4.96107784431 20% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 41.977420195 57.8364921388 73% => OK
Chars per sentence: 126.058823529 119.503703932 105% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.6470588235 23.324526521 97% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.58823529412 5.70786347227 150% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0984719094676 0.218282227539 45% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0363354850832 0.0743258471296 49% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0584588251535 0.0701772020484 83% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0664101788555 0.128457276422 52% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0655557874356 0.0628817314937 104% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.1 14.3799401198 112% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 40.69 48.3550499002 84% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.1 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 15.32 12.5979740519 122% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.79 8.32208582834 106% => OK
difficult_words: 99.0 98.500998004 101% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.