The following appeared in a health newsletter.
"A ten-year nationwide study of the effectiveness of wearing a helmet while bicycling indicates that ten years ago, approximately 35 percent of all bicyclists reported wearing helmets, whereas today that number is nearly 80 percent. Another study, however, suggests that during the same ten-year period, the number of accidents caused by bicycling has increased 200 percent. These results demonstrate that bicyclists feel safer because they are wearing helmets, and they take more risks as a result. Thus, there is clearly a call for the government to strive to reduce the number of serious injuries from bicycle accidents by launching an education program that concentrates on the factors other than helmet use that are necessary for bicycle safety."
Wearing helmet is important as it prevents from major injuries. In this argument, the author has surmised that measures other than helmet need to be promoted so as to educate the people to reduce the number of serious injuries from bicycle accidents; however there is no any plausible evidence to back up this conclusion. The given premises are valid; however, they seem to be incomplete and need further deliberate study to come up with a more tenable, valid, and cogent conclusion. The argument, put forth in here, is rife with holes and fallacious assumptions.
Without any clear evidence, the author has opined that negligence of bicyclist has increased accidents even though they wear helmets. In the ten year period there is increased percentage of bicyclist wearing helmets and also there is an increased in the percentage of major injuries in the same time period; however, the author’s claim is fallacious as there could be plethora of factors that can result accidents. Without a doubt, the carelessness of driver could result accidents. But, there could be external factors other than rider themselves which brings about serious accidents.
Had the author surveyed more details, he would have come up with other important avenues that could cause accidents. For example, perhaps the quality of helmets is not good enough to protect the rider properly. Perhaps there myriads of fledgling bicycle riders who have no good control over bike riding led to the accidents. Furthermore, the number of vehicles plying the road might have increased exponentially but the road has not been widened, therefore, narrow road and heavy traffics might have increased the accidents.
The author assumes that despite the greater use of helmets by bicyclists, the number of accidents soared: the bicyclist felt safe with helmets ignoring other safety measures that could have minimized the injuries. The author should not make a generalized assumption without meticulously analyzing other factors. For example, the bicycle accidents could have caused by the carelessness of the car driver or pedestrians. They get, very carelessly, in the way of bicyclist that brought about the accidents. Perhaps there are potholes in the road that caused the accidents, which in turn resulted major injuries.
Despite having developed solid evidences, the author should not draw conclusion. The author should have explored other factors that could have resulted greater percentage of bicycle accidents. The author needs to conduct more detailed study to yield fully developed, more reliable and convincing assumptions.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 408 350
No. of Characters: 2139 1500
No. of Different Words: 191 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.494 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.243 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.553 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 169 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 131 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 86 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 57 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.4 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.298 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.35 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.336 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.539 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.102 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 159, Rule ID: SO_AS_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'to'
Suggestion: to
...s other than helmet need to be promoted so as to educate the people to reduce the number...
^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 269, Rule ID: NOW[2]
Message: Did you mean 'now' (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
Suggestion: now
...rom bicycle accidents; however there is no any plausible evidence to back up this ...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, furthermore, however, if, so, therefore, as to, for example
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 17.0 28.8173652695 59% => OK
Preposition: 51.0 55.5748502994 92% => OK
Nominalization: 6.0 16.3942115768 37% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2208.0 2260.96107784 98% => OK
No of words: 408.0 441.139720559 92% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.41176470588 5.12650576532 106% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.49433085973 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.71291977017 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 195.0 204.123752495 96% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.477941176471 0.468620217663 102% => OK
syllable_count: 683.1 705.55239521 97% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 14.0 8.76447105788 160% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 60.8234329843 57.8364921388 105% => OK
Chars per sentence: 110.4 119.503703932 92% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.4 23.324526521 87% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.5 5.70786347227 61% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 6.88822355289 145% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0931700480203 0.218282227539 43% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0303000841646 0.0743258471296 41% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0391552513702 0.0701772020484 56% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0548581688741 0.128457276422 43% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0364991430051 0.0628817314937 58% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.3 14.3799401198 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 42.72 48.3550499002 88% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.1 12.5979740519 112% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.15 8.32208582834 98% => OK
difficult_words: 91.0 98.500998004 92% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.