The following appeared in a memorandum from the owner of Movies Galore, a chain of movie-rental stores. “Because of declining profits, we must reduce operating expenses at Movies Galore's ten movie-rental stores. Raising prices is not a good option, since we are famous for our low prices. Instead, we should reduce our operating hours. Last month our store in downtown Marston reduced its hours by closing at 6:00 p.m. rather than 9:00 p.m. and reduced its overall inventory by no longer stocking any DVD released more than five years ago. Since we have received very few customer complaints about these new polic
The owner of Movies Galore claims to deal with declining profit problem by reducing its operation hours and abandoning store DVDs released over five years, and cites a alleged successive case to strengthen his assertation. While his suggested polices seemed to be effective ostensibly, fewer complaints Galore received also contain possibilities that customers do feel terrible about new policies. Thus, the writer's argument is actually rife with holes.
Firstly, it is said that increasing prices is imprudent due to low prices are their tradition, so breaking that rule is not what customers want. That is a great prediction. But the alternative method is on the contrary, which is reducing its operation time. According to the purchase history, if the trade made during 6p.m to 9p.m represents a large part in the total purchase history, the new policy is extremely counterproductive. So it should take the store owner some time checking if that is the situation.
Secondly, the writer cites an instance regarding his new policies on only one store in downtown, and claims that neither reducing operation hours or diminishing classical DVDs elicit customer's aversion. Behind such deduction, the speaker sanguinely use downtown store to generalize stores in other places over reduction of operation time. There may be some huge differences between different stores, for example, the city-center store used as the writer's example could receive less complaint for shorten opening time in that people living there frequently choose to watch movies in cinemas constructed intensively in the city centre. Here, if another store located in countryside with less cinemas around, will be the first choice for citizens there to buy DVDs. Thus, obviously, it is not holding water if widespread the opening time reduction policy implemented in the downtown one. Moreover, as for the abandoning DVDs over five years policy, it also needs the writer to search for the store customers' preferences. If people pay more attention to classical movies, it will be self-defeating to apply it.
To sum, a number of holes of logic exists underlying the ostensible plausible argument of the author, who fails to make convincing logic deduction and persuade the board of the store to implement such two policies. In order to make argument more supportive and persuasive, for the writer, more evidence should be cited.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 381 350
No. of Characters: 1974 1500
No. of Different Words: 215 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.418 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.181 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.767 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 148 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 111 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 90 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 60 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.412 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.888 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.706 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.297 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.493 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.03 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 167, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...VDs released over five years, and cites a alleged successive case to strengthen h...
^
Line 1, column 409, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'writers'' or 'writer's'?
Suggestion: writers'; writer's
... terrible about new policies. Thus, the writers argument is actually rife with holes. ...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 686, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun cinemas is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...other store located in countryside with less cinemas around, will be the first choic...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, firstly, if, may, moreover, regarding, second, secondly, so, then, thus, while, as for, for example, on the contrary
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 19.6327345309 81% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 12.9520958084 46% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 19.0 28.8173652695 66% => OK
Preposition: 47.0 55.5748502994 85% => OK
Nominalization: 19.0 16.3942115768 116% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2026.0 2260.96107784 90% => OK
No of words: 381.0 441.139720559 86% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.31758530184 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.41805628031 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.8409039499 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 220.0 204.123752495 108% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.577427821522 0.468620217663 123% => OK
syllable_count: 642.6 705.55239521 91% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 72.490489678 57.8364921388 125% => OK
Chars per sentence: 126.625 119.503703932 106% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.8125 23.324526521 102% => OK
Discourse Markers: 9.0 5.70786347227 158% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 3.0 8.20758483034 37% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.151342029316 0.218282227539 69% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0454515218673 0.0743258471296 61% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.053622778319 0.0701772020484 76% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0873215413692 0.128457276422 68% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0514133553798 0.0628817314937 82% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.5 14.3799401198 108% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 39.67 48.3550499002 82% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 12.197005988 110% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.87 12.5979740519 110% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.34 8.32208582834 112% => OK
difficult_words: 110.0 98.500998004 112% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.