The following is an excerpt from a letter sent by the principal of Greenwood School to the parents of all incoming kindergarteners. "We have decided to institute a policy of all-day kindergarten, instead of half-day kindergarten, for all students at Greenwood School. All-day kindergarten will help all our students achieve at their highest levels. The classes will be 'tracked'; so that average students are together, but high-achieving and low-achieving students will be put together in classes. In this way, the high-achieving students will be able to help pull the low-achieving students up to their level, so that no student falls behind. The all-day kindergarten classes will cover the same material previously covered in the half-day kindergarten classes, but will go at a slower speed to accommodate learning differences. In addition, the students will receive extra instruction in music, art, and physical education. One of the greatest benefits of the plan, however, is that students will be in a structured environment for longer hours, reducing the numbers of hours that otherwise would be wasted at home or in day care."
The principal concludes that the time wasted at home or in daycare will be reduced with the introduction of all-day kindergarten. The principal has nowhere mentioned if this new system has been tested or being implemented somewhere else with positive results. Without proof, it cannot be claimed that the time will be better utilized at the school.
First of all, the assumption that the kids will not waste time at school is wrong. Kindergarteners are in the age group of 5-6 years, they are too young to understand the importance of time. Spending a full day at school instead of half a day will hit them very hard. These kids are just starting school, they are not used to being away from their family for such a long period of time. This can cause them to be moody and not pay attention to teachers. Also, their attention spans are relatively very less compared to students who attend school full day, this makes them likely to lash out when being forced to take in more than what they can digest in a single day. Instead of keeping an all-day kindergarten, the school can increase the time spent at school gradually as the capacity of the kids increase. This would make the transition much easier for both the school and kids.
Secondly, separating the so-called average students from others will make them feel left out. This can lead to a bigger divide moving forward, which can further lead to one side bullying the other and we all know how bad that can get. So, it will not be wise to create a division between students. Instead, use the regular distribution of students in the class, that method has a proven record as to not create such scenarios.
Lastly, how can the school authorities judge a kid's performance level at such a young age? Imagine if they determine that a bunch of kids as high performing and they turn out to be the opposite. All the low-achieving kids will then be put together, that class will then suffer as they do not have the high-achieving kids to help them out as planned earlier. Even if they are judged correctly what is to say that the kids will help out each other. What if they just make fun of the less accomplished ones? This will further decrease their confidence.
Hence, I will like to conclude that this argument has many flaws if it is implemented it will most probably fail. To improve this argument, I would suggest implementing the alternatives I have mentioned earlier. The corrected argument shall be to increase the time spent at school gradually and the division of classes to be conventional. With these modifications, the plan is less likely to fail.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2018-06-01 | sbhardwaj96 | 66 | view |
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
the arguments are not exactly right on the point. Here goes a sample:
https://www.testbig.com/gmatgre-essays/following-excerpt-letter-sent-pr…
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 25 15
No. of Words: 461 350
No. of Characters: 2104 1500
No. of Different Words: 222 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.634 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.564 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.525 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 126 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 90 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 65 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.44 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.783 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.48 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.266 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.483 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.111 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 350, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... will be better utilized at the school. First of all, the assumption that the ki...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 372, Rule ID: PERIOD_OF_TIME[1]
Message: Use simply 'period'.
Suggestion: period
... away from their family for such a long period of time. This can cause them to be moody and no...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 428, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...record as to not create such scenarios. Lastly, how can the school authorities j...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 48, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'kids'' or 'kid's'?
Suggestion: kids'; kid's
... how can the school authorities judge a kids performance level at such a young age? ...
^^^^
Line 7, column 359, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[2]
Message: “Even if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...ds to help them out as planned earlier. Even if they are judged correctly what is to sa...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 551, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...will further decrease their confidence. Hence, I will like to conclude that this...
^^^^^
Line 9, column 10, Rule ID: WILL_LIKE_TO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'would'?
Suggestion: would
...ecrease their confidence. Hence, I will like to conclude that this argument has...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, hence, if, lastly, second, secondly, so, then, as to, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 23.0 12.9520958084 178% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 43.0 28.8173652695 149% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 58.0 55.5748502994 104% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2161.0 2260.96107784 96% => OK
No of words: 461.0 441.139720559 105% => OK
Chars per words: 4.68763557484 5.12650576532 91% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.63367139033 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.59837616012 2.78398813304 93% => OK
Unique words: 229.0 204.123752495 112% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.496746203905 0.468620217663 106% => OK
syllable_count: 651.6 705.55239521 92% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 15.0 4.96107784431 302% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 19.7664670659 126% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 37.2679808951 57.8364921388 64% => OK
Chars per sentence: 86.44 119.503703932 72% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.44 23.324526521 79% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.36 5.70786347227 59% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 12.0 6.88822355289 174% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.194276363863 0.218282227539 89% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0608990807289 0.0743258471296 82% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0769372784924 0.0701772020484 110% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.109708233009 0.128457276422 85% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.083475997205 0.0628817314937 133% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 9.9 14.3799401198 69% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 70.13 48.3550499002 145% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 7.9 12.197005988 65% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.92 12.5979740519 79% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.51 8.32208582834 90% => OK
difficult_words: 87.0 98.500998004 88% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 11.9071856287 67% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.