The following report appeared in the newsletter of GoldenAge Independent and Assisted Living Facilities for Seniors.
"A novel therapy has come to our attention that promises to significantly decrease the incidence of dementia in our aging community. According to a 21-year study led by the Albert Einstein College of Medicine and funded by the National Institute on Aging, while many physical activities like playing tennis or golf, swimming, bicycling, dancing, and walking for exercise provided cardiovascular benefits for seniors, only one physical activity offered protection against dementia: that was frequent dancing. At GoldenAge we currently provide residents with extensive recreational facilities. These include tennis courts, a fitness center, and lap pools in each senior apartment complex. However, we have no dance studio space at GoldenAge, nor any social dance programs.
Clearly, social dancing can prevent or delay the onset of dementia. Since the onset of dementia inevitably signals the imminent move of residents from our independent living apartments to the more heavily staffed and therefore more costly to operate assisted living quarters, we recommend the establishment of social dance programs at all GoldenAge senior residences—as a cost-effective, positive way to ward off dementia and enable our residents to remain in their independent living quarters."
Respond by writing an essay in which you discuss the specific evidence you would need to judge the validity of the argument and explain how this evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
It can be agreed that dementia is a serious matter of concern amongst the senior populace. It is also commendable that the the newsletter of GoldenAge Independent and Assisted Living Facilities for Seniors wants to address this issue by introducing a social dancing room for elderly people. But before this proposal is approved it becomes necessary to identify the flaws behind the justification provided by the newsletter itself.
First of all, the newsletter talks about a novel therapy being found to tackle the case of dementia. But the first line in the argument mentions only of a significant decrease but fails to attribute numbers to this claim as the word "significant" is left hanging for people to construe. If, for instance, only 20 people from 10000 cases seem to show an improvement then the statement loses its weight. Adding on to this, no statistical measure has been displayed for the reader to interpret about the sample space of study. If only a certain sector of aging population has been studied and fortunately show positive results of such a test, the argument further takes a toll. The term "aging" also does not help in providing information about the age groups that the survey has taken into consideration. There is a wide spectrum of an aging population and only a handful of them might have been studied. Certain activities suit only to a specific group and due to a vagueness in the structure of the argument, it remains a possibility that only the best of the pool has been studied.
Continuing from the previous paragraph's argument regarding the age group under study, the newsletter warrants some skepticism regarding the choice of activities under consideration. The newsletter provides no demographic information about the citizens who actually are sufferring from dementia. Therefore, it is difficult to accept whether every aging person can indeed perform laborious activities mentioned such as tennis. It could be plausible case that dancing could not be even an option for most of the people who are suffering from dementia living in the society. This is a major crusading point that can single-handedly lacerate the argument. How can the newletter possibly assume that every citizen of the independent living apartments would agree lest participate in social dancing activities? No survey incorporating this facet has been shown in the argument. The newsletter simply extrapolates a 21-year study to all aging population. This brings me to the mentioned survey itself. The study could have been concentrated for a particular year and a particular region which is a very non mathematical way of theorizing a novel approach.
Lastly, the newsletter also mentions that this scheme would be cost-effective. Numbers are not crunched while stating this claim. There is a possibility that building such a dance floor could in turn be sybaritical in comparison to the house staffs or assisted living apartments. The exact costs of the proposal should be mentioned before claiming such a theory to be applied as soon as possible.
In denouement, it can be stated that the points mentioned in the paragraphs not only stick out the flaws but also provide relevant solutions to the proposal which should be incorporated before being considered for further involvment.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2019-08-15 | Pujan Biswas | 55 | view |
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 26 15
No. of Words: 535 350
No. of Characters: 2719 1500
No. of Different Words: 263 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.809 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.082 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.87 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 198 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 151 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 118 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 78 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.577 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.662 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.263 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.443 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.047 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 120, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: the
...r populace. It is also commendable that the the newsletter of GoldenAge Independent and...
^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 120, Rule ID: DT_DT[1]
Message: Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only 'the' or 'the' is left.
Suggestion: the; the
...r populace. It is also commendable that the the newsletter of GoldenAge Independent and...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 30, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'paragraphs'' or 'paragraph's'?
Suggestion: paragraphs'; paragraph's
...tudied. Continuing from the previous paragraphs argument regarding the age group under ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, if, lastly, regarding, so, then, therefore, while, for instance, such as, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 29.0 19.6327345309 148% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 31.0 28.8173652695 108% => OK
Preposition: 65.0 55.5748502994 117% => OK
Nominalization: 19.0 16.3942115768 116% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2796.0 2260.96107784 124% => OK
No of words: 535.0 441.139720559 121% => OK
Chars per words: 5.2261682243 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.80937282943 4.56307096286 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.06416431975 2.78398813304 110% => OK
Unique words: 266.0 204.123752495 130% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.497196261682 0.468620217663 106% => OK
syllable_count: 873.9 705.55239521 124% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 4.96107784431 161% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 26.0 19.7664670659 132% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 46.6551778616 57.8364921388 81% => OK
Chars per sentence: 107.538461538 119.503703932 90% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.5769230769 23.324526521 88% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.38461538462 5.70786347227 77% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.143908257873 0.218282227539 66% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0406441855903 0.0743258471296 55% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0430192546151 0.0701772020484 61% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0817412071483 0.128457276422 64% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0497787673142 0.0628817314937 79% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.5 14.3799401198 94% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 51.18 48.3550499002 106% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.05 12.5979740519 104% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.73 8.32208582834 105% => OK
difficult_words: 139.0 98.500998004 141% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.