The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. Nevertheless, the nearest jazz club is over an hour away. Given the popularity of jazz in Monroe and a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, we predict that our new jazz music club in Monroe will be a tremendously profitable enterprise."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.
The group of developers, in an attempt for a small-business loan, stated an extreme popularity of jazz music in the city of monroe. "Because over 100,000 people attended monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated
radio program in monroe is 'jazz nightly,' which airs every weeknight, therefore, a jazz music club in monroe would be tremendously profitable." there are assumptions made in this argument that the group of developers failed to take into consideration. Infact, several questions needs to be answered for clarity to take it's place before the loan givers could consider their application well-deserved and agree to the prompt that a jazz music club in monroe would indeed be tremendously profitable.
Firstly, the author need to state by what mean was the popularity of jazz music in monroe measured. The fact that jazz music is popular in the city means that there are other music existing in monroe. how did the group of developers come by the fact that jazz music is extremely popular? it is possible that only jazz musicians exist in the city. hence, the people has no choice than to accept jazz music. Perhaps, more so, that the musicians have only been limited in there musical ability only to jazz music, such that they could not produce other genres of music like hip-hop, reggae and the likes. If a well detailed record of jazz music as compared to other genres of music in the city of monroe could be presented, then it could have been more understandable to agree that the jazz music is extremely popular.
Furthermore, it was stated that over 100,000 people attended monroe's annual jazz festival last summer. We need to examine the number of this attendee to with the population of monroe city as a while. what if the 100,000 people are less than one percent of the total number of monroe's occupants? there is also a need for clarity on monroe's general population as compared to the number of people who attended the music festival. Otherwise, the argument does not hold water!
It was also stated that the last music festival was held in summer. The author failed to consider how weather or climate change could also play a role in people's movement. The summer is generally a period when heat is prevalent as compared to other seasons. hence, it is possible that people would want to unavoidably go outside and take some fresh air due to their inability to withstand extreme heat in their respective homes. But if the author could present a past record of attendance at the music festival, say, during last Winter, then it could have been possible to agree that people are not just attending the festival due to climate change.
Lastly, the prompt that 'jazz nightly' is the highest-rated radio program in monroe which airs every weeknight also suggested that there are other radio programs in the city. The group of developers would need to provide a clear evidence on the rating. The fact that of a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in monroe also does not mean that there are no other musicians with a penchant for other genres of music, resident in the city. hence, the developers' argument does not stand enough ground to warrant lending them a loan, neither does it provide irrefutable evidence to agree that a jazz music club in monroe would be tremendously profitable.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 9 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 570 350
No. of Characters: 2710 1500
No. of Different Words: 209 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.886 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.754 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.478 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 181 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 122 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 84 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 33.529 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 18.121 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.765 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.394 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.557 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.146 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 202, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: How
...ere are other music existing in monroe. how did the group of developers come by the...
^^^
Line 5, column 289, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
...t that jazz music is extremely popular? it is possible that only jazz musicians ex...
^^
Line 5, column 348, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Hence
... only jazz musicians exist in the city. hence, the people has no choice than to accep...
^^^^^
Line 8, column 201, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: What
...e population of monroe city as a while. what if the 100,000 people are less than one...
^^^^
Line 8, column 296, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: There
... the total number of monroes occupants? there is also a need for clarity on monroes g...
^^^^^
Line 9, column 258, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Hence
...prevalent as compared to other seasons. hence, it is possible that people would want ...
^^^^^
Line 12, column 445, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Hence
... genres of music, resident in the city. hence, the developers argument does not stand...
^^^^^
Line 12, column 456, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'developers'' or 'developer's'?
Suggestion: developers'; developer's
...music, resident in the city. hence, the developers argument does not stand enough ground t...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, furthermore, hence, if, lastly, so, then, therefore, well, while
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 19.6327345309 143% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 22.0 13.6137724551 162% => OK
Pronoun: 34.0 28.8173652695 118% => OK
Preposition: 77.0 55.5748502994 139% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2791.0 2260.96107784 123% => OK
No of words: 570.0 441.139720559 129% => OK
Chars per words: 4.89649122807 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.88617158649 4.56307096286 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.60779013841 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 223.0 204.123752495 109% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.391228070175 0.468620217663 83% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 876.6 705.55239521 124% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 71.9667272416 57.8364921388 124% => OK
Chars per sentence: 121.347826087 119.503703932 102% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.7826086957 23.324526521 106% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.95652173913 5.70786347227 69% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 17.0 8.20758483034 207% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.51022593546 0.218282227539 234% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.164443334759 0.0743258471296 221% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.116920554045 0.0701772020484 167% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.31321709951 0.128457276422 244% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.162649576225 0.0628817314937 259% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.0 14.3799401198 97% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 55.58 48.3550499002 115% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.44 12.5979740519 91% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.62 8.32208582834 92% => OK
difficult_words: 101.0 98.500998004 103% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 20.5 12.3882235529 165% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.