The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet inappropriately from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. Installing software on company computers to detect employees' Internet use is the best way to prevent employees from wasting time on the job. It will foster a better work ethic at Climpson and improve our overall profits."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The main idea behind given para is to describe the plans of Climpson Industries to tackle the issue of unproductivity of employees. The author tells that to reduce the inappropriate use of internet by employee they must install electronic monitoring of employees internet. This will establish better work ethic and improve the profit of Climpson Industries. Though, the author was able to make a fine statement, it contains en-numerous assumptions and also alternative possibilities of the situations.
The author tells that in order to improve employees productivity, the Climpson Industries are thinking of using electronic monitoring of employees Internet. But, whether the only best way to increase productivity is as mentioned by the author? One alternative possible way can be arranging seminars and conferences of industrial as well as academic experts. Inviting the expert talks as well as encouraging them to mentor and share there knowledge with fledglings and also know their insight. The periodical recreational activities helps as well by acting as a stress buster and enhancing bonding between employees. Thus, expecting productivity by limited thought process may not be acceptable.
Further, the author tells about plan to keep a survillance on their employees and thus, increase in productivity. One fact is that if an idea has its positive points, it carries certain kind of demerits as well. It can be the case, that due to such monitoring the employee lag the focus on work and experience pressure and may result in even less productivity. The skilled employees will not be able to do things in there own way. For an instance, Japan based on survey have introduced a program in which employee are encouraged to work for 4 days per week by giving priority to work-life balance. This has resulted in huge increament in productivity of firms. Thus, considering only small set of actions may not be admirable.
Moreover, the author beleives implementing such monitoring program may establish work ethics among employees and raise the profit. This is really vague prediction by the author. There may be different ways to increase profit and it is much better suggestion to focus on those. Some of them can be new projects, collaborations with academic institutes, arranging the hackathons and talks and investing in new start-up. There is also possibility that, due to implementation of such program, the employee may leave the company and that may definitely result in decrease productivity. Thus, the author must give a keen look to the statements he made.
Finally, the only advice the author must follow is to consider different possibilities and have a more detailed study of the implementation of electronic monitoring program, which will help him to support his claims infront of the Climpson Industries and make a better decision in order to enhance productivity.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 12 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 462 350
No. of Characters: 2378 1500
No. of Different Words: 225 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.636 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.147 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.004 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 173 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 138 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 112 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 76 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.25 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.136 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.284 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.284 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.074 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 416, Rule ID: THERE_OWN[1]
Message: Did you mean 'their own'?
Suggestion: their own
...loyees will not be able to do things in there own way. For an instance, Japan based on su...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, if, look, may, moreover, really, so, thus, well, kind of, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.6327345309 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 11.1786427146 143% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 23.0 28.8173652695 80% => OK
Preposition: 65.0 55.5748502994 117% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2429.0 2260.96107784 107% => OK
No of words: 462.0 441.139720559 105% => OK
Chars per words: 5.25757575758 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.63618218583 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.08126975599 2.78398813304 111% => OK
Unique words: 231.0 204.123752495 113% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.5 0.468620217663 107% => OK
syllable_count: 758.7 705.55239521 108% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 52.8325282536 57.8364921388 91% => OK
Chars per sentence: 101.208333333 119.503703932 85% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.25 23.324526521 83% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.66666666667 5.70786347227 64% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 16.0 8.20758483034 195% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.20875808964 0.218282227539 96% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0595019497329 0.0743258471296 80% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0750889882057 0.0701772020484 107% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.127710496857 0.128457276422 99% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0369148411643 0.0628817314937 59% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.0 14.3799401198 90% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.3550499002 108% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.23 12.5979740519 105% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.41 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 112.0 98.500998004 114% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 12.3882235529 97% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.