The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.
"Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."
The author of this argument avers that Nature's Way (NW), a chain of stores selling health food and other health related products, would profit successfully in the town of Plainsville. His conclusion is based on the assumption that Plainsville is clearly an area where people lead healty lives. The apparant facts like- all time high sale of running shoes and excercise clothing, local health clubs havin more members, other health classes being full and Plainsville school chidren being potential new custumers, make him conclude that Plainsville is indeed a jackpot for NW. However, I disagree with the author because I can clearly see that his assumtions are erroneous. There is no evidence to prove what he avers.
Firstly, how can the author claim that the town of Plainsvelle is clearly a heath conscious area when there are no statistics to prove the same? The author has not surveyed the area to know their health lifestyle. He as not surveyed the town residents and school children if they are indeed interested in Nature Way's health products. Hence, he is terribly wrong to think NW will profit in Plainsville.
Secondly, the sales of running shoes and exercise clothing being on a all time high has got nothing to do with fitness. The shoes may be more comfortable than heels, hence women might be buying them.. The excercise clothes maybe on sale and hence they must be selling fast. Moreover, the excercise clothing could be on a mega sale bacause they weren't able to sell it before because of their unpopulatiry in Plainsville. The author has not considered these factors.
The local healthclub having more members may be because it is offering a huge discount. Again, having a health club membership does not mean that the residents actually are going there regularly. They maybe too lethargic to go even after taking a membership.
Also, the weight training and aerobics class being full does not go on to prove Plainsville residents are into fitnes. These classes may be rare and residents from other towns maybe visiting and hence they must be full. The author must find out what percent of Plainsvilee residents actually are a part of this class.
The assumption that school chidren would be the new generation of potential customers is baseless. School children might get dissuaded from fitness because they are coerced into this fit-for-life program. Even if they develop an interest, it is their parents who should be interested in buying NW's products. The schoolchidren have no say in that.
Most importantly, even if we assume that Plainsville residents are into fitmess. it does not go on to prove they will buy NW's health food..They may not be interested in NW's health realted products either. In fact, maybe NW has an competitor in that area and Plainsville residents could favour the competitor. In such a case NW would never profit in Plainsville.
In conclusion, the author wrongly assumes a number of facts and I disagree with his conclusions. He must provide more evidence. He must create valid proof by holding surveys to convince me that NW would indeed succeed in Plainsville.
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Sentence: Firstly, how can the author claim that the town of Plainsvelle is clearly a heath conscious area when there are no statistics to prove the same?
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to heath and conscious
Sentence: The schoolchidren have no say in that.
Description: The word say is not usually used as a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to say
Sentence: The apparant facts like- all time high sale of running shoes and excercise clothing, local health clubs havin more members, other health classes being full and Plainsville school chidren being potential new custumers, make him conclude that Plainsville is indeed a jackpot for NW. However, I disagree with the author because I can clearly see that his assumtions are erroneous.
Error: excercise Suggestion: exercise
Error: havin Suggestion: having
Error: assumtions Suggestion: assumptions
Error: custumers Suggestion: customers
Error: apparant Suggestion: apparent
Error: chidren Suggestion: children
Sentence: Moreover, the excercise clothing could be on a mega sale bacause they weren't able to sell it before because of their unpopulatiry in Plainsville.
Error: excercise Suggestion: exercise
Error: bacause Suggestion: because
Error: unpopulatiry Suggestion: unpopularity
Sentence: The assumption that school chidren would be the new generation of potential customers is baseless.
Error: chidren Suggestion: children
flaws:
No. of Spelling Errors: 10 2
No. of Words: 523 350
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.268 0.35
Need less words and less spelling errors.
Leave some minutes check out spelling errors.
2 or 3 reasons are enough in body part. Don't need to list all flaws.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 10 2
No. of Sentences: 29 15
No. of Words: 523 350
No. of Characters: 2535 1500
No. of Different Words: 240 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.782 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.847 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.574 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 173 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 129 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 89 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 56 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.034 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.374 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.586 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.268 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.546 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.119 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 8 5