People's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position
Some people believe that people's behavior is determined by their own making, not by forces come from outside. However, I disagree on it: I think financial factors and mass media mostly governs people's behavior, though there might be other factors. There are possible examples who overcome these factors, but the number of those persons is small to be meaningful.
I think most of individuals' behavior is affected by their financial environment. Almost no individual can do anything without money and support: for example, it is known that the average income of students of top universities in Korea exceeds that of average income of all university students. What does it mean? Entering top universities needs hard studying, and it takes lots of effort and health. Moreover, to concentrate with study, continuous support and stability should be provided: as unstability disturbs one's concentration. All of these conditions are available those who have parents with high income and continuous support, and we cannot hope these stuffs for poor families - who always troubled by financial problems.
Some opponents may suggest there are persons who overcomes adverse environment, by suggesting famous figures or known examples by media. I agree that there are such persons, but why they are famous, or media give attention to those who overcome adverse conditions? I think this is because overcoming it is what everyone wished, but hardly feasable, therefore media sells rare cases to satiate public's desire. We have always heard we can get a good grade by hard work, but as mentioned, we also know that it is not attainable for everyone, and even studying harder is not choosable option for who cannot concentrate on their study, for example, those who have to earn money or be troubled by physical or mental illness.
Financial environment explains each individual's tendency. I also think mass media affects people's mass behavior. I have heard lots of protests against the large companies or governments. Unfortunately, none of them is activated largely without the support of media: even under serious problems, people will be unnoticed if media tells nothing about a thing. Various problems in Japan could be an example: there are a variety of scandals on Abe's government, but protests against the scandal is too small that even racist march by Zainichi - extreme-right racists in Japan - is larger than the protests. Of course, almost no media shows about protests against the government.
A possible opposition is: there are persons who works under their belief even if media tells nothing about it: an environmental activists could be examples. However, the number of these people is too small, and even them are affected by other forms of media, like YouTube, Twitter, Facebook or their own newspapers or media. Therefore, the opposition does not truly disprove my opinion.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
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| 2024-01-05 | jenas | 50 | view |
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| 2023-09-24 | RIYA MODI | 50 | view |
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 10, Rule ID: MOST_SOME_OF_NNS[1]
Message: After 'most of', you should use 'the' ('most of the individuals') or simply say ''most individuals''.
Suggestion: most of the individuals; most individuals
...ns is small to be meaningful. I think most of individuals behavior is affected by their financial...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 515, Rule ID: ONES[1]
Message: Did you mean 'one's'?
Suggestion: one's
...ld be provided: as unstability disturbs ones concentration. All of these conditions ...
^^^^
Line 4, column 38, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'individuals'' or 'individual's'?
Suggestion: individuals'; individual's
... Financial environment explains each individuals tendency. I also think mass media affec...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 130, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'activist'?
Suggestion: activist
...ells nothing about it: an environmental activists could be examples. However, the number ...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, if, may, moreover, so, therefore, for example, i think, of course
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 19.5258426966 143% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.4196629213 81% => OK
Conjunction : 21.0 14.8657303371 141% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 11.3162921348 124% => OK
Pronoun: 42.0 33.0505617978 127% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 51.0 58.6224719101 87% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 12.9106741573 70% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2417.0 2235.4752809 108% => OK
No of words: 462.0 442.535393258 104% => OK
Chars per words: 5.2316017316 5.05705443957 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.63618218583 4.55969084622 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.76336471172 2.79657885939 99% => OK
Unique words: 246.0 215.323595506 114% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.532467532468 0.4932671777 108% => OK
syllable_count: 761.4 704.065955056 108% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59117977528 101% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 6.24550561798 160% => OK
Article: 3.0 4.99550561798 60% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 3.10617977528 32% => OK
Conjunction: 10.0 1.77640449438 563% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.38483146067 91% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 20.2370786517 109% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 23.0359550562 91% => OK
Sentence length SD: 67.4459685799 60.3974514979 112% => OK
Chars per sentence: 109.863636364 118.986275619 92% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.0 23.4991977007 89% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.86363636364 5.21951772744 74% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.97078651685 101% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 7.80617977528 51% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 10.2758426966 49% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 13.0 5.13820224719 253% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.83258426966 83% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.113439538624 0.243740707755 47% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0359130847535 0.0831039109588 43% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0402292129035 0.0758088955206 53% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0699281361462 0.150359130593 47% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0336205438531 0.0667264976115 50% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.7 14.1392134831 97% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.8420337079 103% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.92365168539 111% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.1743820225 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.05 12.1639044944 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.12 8.38706741573 109% => OK
difficult_words: 130.0 100.480337079 129% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 11.8971910112 92% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.2143820225 93% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.7820224719 119% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.