The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full time work did after leaving college in 2008 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

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The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Submitted by Saeed2 on Fri, 07/24/2015 - 06:44

Given are the bar charts which cast light on the activities of graduates and postgraduates who did not go into full-time jobs after leaving university in the UK in 2008. Overall, in most of the cases, the lettered preferred further study to other activities.

Taking a look at the bar charts, in terms of doing part time jobs, postgraduates were more active than graduates with 2533 and 17735 members respectively. Moreover, when it comes to unpaid jobs, the number of graduates was more gigantic than that of postgraduates (3500 v.s 345). Furthermore, being interested in continuing education, 29665 of graduates went for further study, whereas this figure for postgraduates was somewhere in the region of 2725. Last but no least, some of the educated were jobless, most of whom, 16235 members, belonged to graduates, while postgraduates constituted 1625 of the unemployed.

To sum up, most of the graduates and postgraduates decided to go for further study and the least had proclivity for voluntary jobs.

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Comments

flaws:
It is a wrong conclusion:
'To sum up, most of the graduates and postgraduates decided to go for further study and the least had proclivity for voluntary jobs'

Look at the difference:

graduates and postgraduates on part time work: 17735: 2535, about 7 times more

graduates and postgraduates on part time work: 3500: 345, about 10 times more
graduates and postgraduates on part unpaid jobs: 29665: 2725, about 10 times more
graduates and postgraduates on part time work: 16235: 1625, about 10 times more

it means more graduates than postgraduates go for part time work while in other sectors, the ratio keeps the same.
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What do you mean 'the lettered preferred further study to other activities'?
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Attribute Value Ideal
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Category: Satisfactory Excellent
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Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
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Sentence Length SD: 4.562 7.5
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Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.67 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.1 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 4

In the conclusion I mentioned that among graduates, most of the members decided to go for further study and there is a same scenario among postgraduates. Also, the least went for voluntary jobs. So, what is wrong in this conclusion?