Gender imbalance in some occupations is evident. To what extent do you think that it is acceptable?
In this day and age, people are bombard with the information regards gender discrimination among the society. It is true that some fields are dominated by men. Personally, I find this trend acceptable to some extent.
On one hand, there is a wide spread belief that women are inferior to their male counterpart in terms of intelligence and stamina. This is the main reason why men are likely to undertake labour intensive jobs, such as construction and sports trainers. Similarly, male tends to dominate fields such as computer sciences and mathematics because of their stronger logical thinking abilities. Apart from that, it is the social culture that leads to the gender imbalance. For example, women are expected to fill themselves into some traditional gender roles, such as baby-sitting and house chores. However, modern women have shown a strong desire in their career, which makes it less likely for them to achieve life-work balance. For this reason, women are generally assigned to positions with fewer responsibilities.
On the other hand, general imbalance should not be accepted to some extent. This is particularly true in the field of politician. If women can deserve more places inside the government, then perhaps the operation of a country will become rather considering and touching. For example, female senator could propose a statutory law against gender discrimination and abuse, so the rights of feminie could be preserved. In contrast, such practise would be less likely to be imposed by a male-dominated government.
In conclusion, female’s underrepresentation is largely attributed to the biological difference and social culture. Nevertheless, it is by no means we can ignore the importance of women as they can contribute to the society even greater.
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I find this trend acceptable to some extent
I find this trend is acceptable to some extent
Sentence: For example, female senator could propose a statutory law against gender discrimination and abuse, so the rights of feminie could be preserved.
Error: feminie Suggestion: feminine
Sentence: In contrast, such practise would be less likely to be imposed by a male-dominated government.
Error: practise Suggestion: practice
Sentence: In conclusion, female's underrepresentation is largely attributed to the biological difference and social culture.
Error: underrepresentation Suggestion: under representation
flaws:
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.588 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.79 7.5
"Sentence Length SD is low" means that the essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length.
You may change a little bit of your writing styles. Check out this one and get some ideas:
http://testbig.com/ielts-writing-task-ii-essays/some-say-economic-devel…
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 282 350
No. of Characters: 1459 1500
No. of Different Words: 172 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.098 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.174 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.987 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 112 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 79 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 54 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 40 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.588 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.79 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.706 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.28 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.484 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.044 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5