Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children.
Do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
There has been a colossal upsurge in discussing whether or not the government shoulder the obligation for the rising number of overweight children. While there are many argument surrounding this social phenomenon, I personally agree that government should share the responsibility for this problem.
On the one hand, there is no doubt about a fast food industry dramatically widespread in community. That's why the government should apply a heavy tax on the fast food industry to mitigate this phenomenon. Moreover, a modernized and convenient in technology lead the people especially children to a sedentary lifestyle. For instance, instead of playing outside and practice many hands-on experience like children in the past, the pupils nowadays have a tendency for watching movie and playing a computer game at home which increase the number of obesity in them. Therefore, government should encourage the children to do exercise and play outside rather than coop them up in their home. Furthermore, government can raise awareness of parents about the repercussion of obesity to make them are conscious about this heinous disease.
On the other hand, government is not the only party to ease this issue but others such as parent and school should shoulder this burden about the overweight children in society. Parent is the people who drive the perception of the later generation and school is the environment that children receive the knowledge from that. To be clear, parent should prepare the healthy food for their children instead of buying them a fast food or canned food. To be precise, parent can widen their children horizon about the negative effect of obesity bring to their health. Besides, school and teacher can organize the lesson in class about this issue and offer a range of methods in order to help the students avoid overweight state. Finally, school can open the physical class which force children playing sports in there free time and ameliorate their health.
To recapitulate, obesity can be solved by many factors not only the government. However, I assume that government should take the most responsibility in this social phenomenon by the mentioned method above.
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 49, Rule ID: WHETHER[7]
Message: Perhaps you can shorten this phrase to just 'whether'. It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Suggestion: whether
...s been a colossal upsurge in discussing whether or not the government shoulder the obligation ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 101, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: That's
...y dramatically widespread in community. Thats why the government should apply a heavy...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 374, Rule ID: MANY_NN_U[3]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun experience seems to be uncountable; consider using: 'much hands-on experience', 'a good deal of hands-on experience'.
Suggestion: much hands-on experience; a good deal of hands-on experience
...instead of playing outside and practice many hands-on experience like children in the past, the pupils n...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
besides, but, finally, furthermore, however, if, moreover, so, therefore, while, for instance, no doubt, such as, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 10.0 13.1623246493 76% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 7.85571142285 140% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 10.4138276553 115% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 7.30460921844 96% => OK
Pronoun: 23.0 24.0651302605 96% => OK
Preposition: 50.0 41.998997996 119% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 8.3376753507 180% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1847.0 1615.20841683 114% => OK
No of words: 352.0 315.596192385 112% => OK
Chars per words: 5.24715909091 5.12529762239 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.33147354134 4.20363070211 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.75259169526 2.80592935109 98% => OK
Unique words: 185.0 176.041082164 105% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.525568181818 0.561755894193 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 572.4 506.74238477 113% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.60771543086 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 5.43587174349 37% => OK
Article: 2.0 2.52805611222 79% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.10420841683 48% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 0.809619238477 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.76152304609 126% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 16.0721442886 100% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 20.2975951904 108% => OK
Sentence length SD: 36.3897628977 49.4020404114 74% => OK
Chars per sentence: 115.4375 106.682146367 108% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.0 20.7667163134 106% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.1875 7.06120827912 116% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.38176352705 91% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.01903807615 60% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.67935871743 58% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 3.9879759519 150% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 3.4128256513 147% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.168290660252 0.244688304435 69% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0598339923474 0.084324248473 71% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0425939466247 0.0667982634062 64% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.115334892252 0.151304729494 76% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.045683573849 0.056905535591 80% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.3 13.0946893788 109% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.15 50.2224549098 98% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.44779559118 118% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 11.3001002004 105% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.17 12.4159519038 106% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.45 8.58950901804 98% => OK
difficult_words: 83.0 78.4519038076 106% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 9.78957915832 107% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 10.1190380762 107% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 10.7795591182 102% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 73.0337078652 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 6.5 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.