11) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Playing a game is fun only when you win. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
I disagreed that playing a game is fun only when you win. I think playing is fun if i win or loose,, i have two reasons for that:
First: if a group of friends playing soccer together , there will be a soul of helpful ,happenies , competition , inspite if they are loose or win this the benefit of playing , my son's friend he has no father no brothers or sisters , his mom took him to play a soccer with group of boys to let him feel that he is not alone , when they are playing together they were as a one family against other group they hoped win , they were happy if they win or be sad if they were loose.
Second: i think when we loose the game i think we will be stronger ,we will try to find the causes ,we 'll be a competitive to win , so it's build our personality , we 'll try to find the right way of successful. I remembered when i was playing with my brother a soccer game by playstation, my brother he was the winner in sevral times ,i was younger than him , when i finished the game he was going to sleep , but i kept playing ,i playing a lot and i tried to find what's the wrong until i was the winner and i succed all of our friends. it was funny to me if i was the looser or if i was the winner.i ferl so happy now when i rememberd it , it was the best moments. And i apply the same strategy for my life if any one in my class succed me i keep on trying untill i succed him.but
In conclusion we should enjoy playing whether we are the winner or not,by playing we will have a new friends, we will thinking a lot before we doing anything, it's good excersise for both our body and brain we should keep playing.and it's finally just a game , it's not something that's affect ourlife.
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- TOEFL Sample essay : integrated essay from TPO4 70
i win or loose
i win or lose
if a group of friends playing soccer together ,
if a group of friends is playing soccer together ,
my son's friend he has no father
my son's friend has no father
if they were loose.
if they were lose.
we will thinking a lot before we doing anything
we will be thinking a lot before we are doing anything
we will think a lot before we are doing anything
it's good excersise
it's a good exercise
Sentence: First: if a group of friends playing soccer together , there will be a soul of helpful ,happenies , competition , inspite if they are loose or win this the benefit of playing , my son's friend he has no father no brothers or sisters , his mom took him to play a soccer with group of boys to let him feel that he is not alone , when they are playing together they were as a one family against other group they hoped win , they were happy if they win or be sad if they were loose.
Error: inspite Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: happenies Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: I remembered when i was playing with my brother a soccer game by playstation, my brother he was the winner in sevral times ,i was younger than him , when i finished the game he was going to sleep , but i kept playing ,i playing a lot and i tried to find what's the wrong until i was the winner and i succed all of our friends. it was funny to me if i was the looser or if i was the winner.i ferl so happy now when i rememberd it , it was the best moments.
Error: ferl Suggestion: fell
Error: sevral Suggestion: several
Error: playstation Suggestion: plantation
Error: succed Suggestion: succeed
Error: rememberd Suggestion: remember
Sentence: And i apply the same strategy for my life if any one in my class succed me i keep on trying untill i succed him.but
Error: untill Suggestion: until
Error: succed Suggestion: succeed
Sentence: In conclusion we should enjoy playing whether we are the winner or not,by playing we will have a new friends, we will thinking a lot before we doing anything, it's good excersise for both our body and brain we should keep playing.and it's finally just a game , it's not something that's affect ourlife.
Error: ourlife Suggestion: ?
Error: excersise Suggestion: exercise
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 11 2
Don't put a space before punctuation marks.
Always put a space after punctuation marks. Essay e-rater is sensitive.
More sentences varieties wanted. Try to use less pronouns or not to use pronouns (like 'It, I, They, We, You...') as the subject of a sentence.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 16 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 11 2
No. of Sentences: 7 15
No. of Words: 337 350
No. of Characters: 1317 1500
No. of Different Words: 153 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.285 4.7
Average Word Length: 3.908 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.199 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 73 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 49 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 22 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 13 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 48.143 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 31.746 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.857 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.525 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.81 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.331 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5