TOEFL integrated writing: Altruism.

The reading and the lecture is about altruism, a nature of being selfless. The author of the reading feels that altruism is a quality observed in both humans and mammals. It involves making sacrificies for others inspite of gaining no incremental advantage for themselves. The author also states few examples to support this idea. However, the lecturer challenges the claims made by the author. She is of opinion that even though such acts may seem as an altruistic nature, however, involve personal advantages of some means.

To begin with, the author suggests that an example of altruism observed in humans involves donating organs to some one in need. Now, this seems as an extremely honorable and noble act which provides no gain to the person donating his organ. Hence, the article mentions the extent of altruism observed in humans with the help of this instance. However, this specific argument is challenged by the lecturer. She claims that although this seems as an extremely selfless act, the consequences to this action also brings about appreciation from the society and an increased sense of worth of the individual. Additionally, she also says that, although these rewards are not materialistic but they certainly are valuable and cherished by people. Hence, this cannot be considered completely as an altruistic behavior.

Secondly, the writer suggests an example of meerkats who sacrifice their food for the betterment of other meerkats by being a sentinel. In the article, it is said that the sentinel guards other meerkats from predator while the other predators are hunting or searching for food. In case of any danger, the sentinel alerts the meerkat and protects the inspite of it being without food. The lecturer however rebuts this by bringing up the point that scientific research states that the sentinel begin guarding after eating or having a filled stomach. She is of the opinion that the meerkats do not starve themselves for others and hence is not an altruistic activity.

Finally, the author also states that the meerkats are the one who are in more danger as compared to the other meerkats in case of an approach of predator. In contrast the lecturer points out that the sentinel is the one who is first aware about the attack and can quickly hide in the nearby burrows and are at lower threats comparatively. Since, the alert signal can cause formation of groups among the merrkats, the attention is distracted from the sentinel and the meerkats it was guarding are put in greater dangers of the predator.Hence, according to the lecturer this might also not prove to be a perfect example of altruism.

Votes
Average: 0.3 (1 vote)
Essay Categories
Essays by the user:

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ve personal advantages of some means. To begin with, the author suggests that ...
^^^
Line 3, column 111, Rule ID: ANY_BODY[1]
Message: Did you mean 'someone'?
Suggestion: someone
...d in humans involves donating organs to some one in need. Now, this seems as an extremel...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 811, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...d completely as an altruistic behavior. Secondly, the writer suggests an example...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 217, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...inel guards other meerkats from predator while the other predators are hunting or...
^^
Line 7, column 159, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[2]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: contrast,
... in case of an approach of predator. In contrast the lecturer points out that the sentin...
^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 536, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Hence
... put in greater dangers of the predator.Hence, according to the lecturer this might a...
^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, hence, however, if, may, second, secondly, so, while, in contrast, to begin with

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 10.4613686534 220% => Less to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 6.0 5.04856512141 119% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 7.30242825607 178% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 12.0772626932 124% => OK
Pronoun: 34.0 22.412803532 152% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 58.0 30.3222958057 191% => OK
Nominalization: 6.0 5.01324503311 120% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2205.0 1373.03311258 161% => OK
No of words: 439.0 270.72406181 162% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.02277904328 5.08290768461 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.57737117129 4.04702891845 113% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.66419389886 2.5805825403 103% => OK
Unique words: 216.0 145.348785872 149% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.492027334852 0.540411800872 91% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 682.2 419.366225166 163% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.55342163355 103% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 3.25607064018 276% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 14.0 8.23620309051 170% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 1.25165562914 80% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.51434878587 0% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 2.5761589404 194% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 13.0662251656 161% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 21.2450331126 94% => OK
Sentence length SD: 53.2384359815 49.2860985944 108% => OK
Chars per sentence: 105.0 110.228320801 95% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.9047619048 21.698381199 96% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.09523809524 7.06452816374 72% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.09492273731 98% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 4.19205298013 143% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 4.33554083885 231% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 4.45695364238 90% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.27373068433 164% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0469309933498 0.272083759551 17% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0191444116621 0.0996497079465 19% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.035538337743 0.0662205650399 54% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.033015486926 0.162205337803 20% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0223698842867 0.0443174109184 50% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.7 13.3589403974 95% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 51.18 53.8541721854 95% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 5.55761589404 56% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 11.0289183223 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.84 12.2367328918 97% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.62 8.42419426049 102% => OK
difficult_words: 111.0 63.6247240618 174% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 6.5 10.7273730684 61% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 10.498013245 95% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.2008830022 107% => OK
What are above readability scores?

---------------------
Write the essay in 20 minutes.
It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.

Rates: 3.33333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 30
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.