TPO3 - Integrated Writing
In the lecture, the professor makes several points as to why there are not any doubt and problems on Rembrandt painting. In fact the professor casts doubt on the reading through a number of points elaborated as follows.
The first important point that professor mentions to refute the reading is that in painting the woman who wearing a white line cap such servants is realistic. According to the professor the fur colllar was not original. It was painted 100 years after the original painting. Thus, this point proves the main idea of the reading is wrong.
Another important point that the professor points out to undermine the validity of the reading is that the painting elements do not fit together which is not true. As is pointed out by the professor, the woman is actually wearing a light colored in the original painting and which reflects to illuminate woman's face. Hence, this point shows the main idea of the reading invalid.
Finally, The last important point that professor brought up, which runs counter to the reading is that Rembrandt did not paint on the panel made by several woods glued together. As a matter of fact, the professor asserts that, the original painting was enlarged to show more valuable. Indeed it was painted on a single piece of wood from the same tree. Therefore, this point is in contrast to the main idea of the reading.
Comments
what do you mead don't simply
what do you mead don't simply say?
You mean, I cannot use this sentences.... ?
Need to make it clear what
Need to make it clear what reading had said, like:
First, ........However, the reading states that there is an inconsistency between the white cap which belongs to a servant and the fur coat that a servant cannot afford.
Second, .....On the other hand, the text explains how the current painting is missing the right light and shadow effects.
Third, ...However, the reading states that this painting was not Rembrandt's work because Rembrandt used to paint on a single piece of wood not on many pieces glued together.
the woman who wearing a white line cap
the woman who is wearing a white line cap
the woman wearing a white line cap
Sentence: According to the professor the fur colllar was not original.
Error: colllar Suggestion: collar
flaws:
Need to tell what reading is talking about. Don't simply say:
Thus, this point proves the main idea of the reading is wrong.
Hence, this point shows the main idea of the reading invalid.
Therefore, this point is in contrast to the main idea of the reading.
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Less contents wanted from the reading passages(25%) but more content wanted from the lecture (75%).
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 13 12
No. of Words: 236 250
No. of Characters: 1102 1200
No. of Different Words: 114 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.919 4.2
Average Word Length: 4.669 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.356 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 76 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 67 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 41 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 19 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.154 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.177 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.615 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.411 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.581 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.077 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4