Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later. Some people think that having these people to give a talk to school students is the best way to tell them about dangers of committing a crime. Do you agree or disagree?
It is certainly true that crime education is one of important lessons in any society. With a good understanding about the consequences of ongoing in crimes, it can prevent younger people to become offenders in the future. Therefore, some people assert that sharing experience of ex-prisoners to younger people can be an effective way to teach them about crime education, whereas some people disagree with this measure. Both sides will be discussed in this essay, carefully.
On the one hand, there are some reasons to support the former idea. First and foremost, in term of education, the stories from ex-felonies are more likely vivid and persuasive which can draw the attention from students easily. The experience in detention center is an interesting lesson for students because the stories are based on real life that happened when a prison paid off their time in a correctional facility. These ex- prisoners can give an explicit example about the consequences of engaging in crimes better than other people. As a result, after students attend this crime session, they will become more concern about the importance of following the laws and be a law-abiding citizen in the future.
On the other hand, learning from ex-offenders experiences may not a great way to raise the awareness of involving in crimes because some students may misunderstand and emulate this behaviors. However, there are different educational methods which could create an effective result than this measure. For example, parents and teachers could be an educator about crime awareness to youths. If parents are a good citizen and always follow the city regulations, it will automatically instruct kids about criminals. Living in a good environment can be acknowledged and prevented children to be a criminal in the future. Moreover, teachers also should emphasize in the classroom about the awareness of crime and promote students to be a contributing person in society.
To sum up with my opinion, I disagree with the idea that a prisoner holds a productive way of instruction younger people about crime prevention. This is because, other educators such as teachers and parents can raise the crime awareness better than listening prison experiences from ex-offenders.
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they will become more concern about
they will become more concerned about
and emulate this behaviors.
and emulate this behavior.
flaws:
Need polished sentences or remove duplicated sentences. Compare this essay with score 7.0:
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-writing-task-ii-essays/robotsartificial-in…
No. of Words: 281 while No. of Different Words: 180
this essay:
No. of Words: 360 while No. of Different Words: 183
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 360 350
No. of Characters: 1850 1500
No. of Different Words: 183 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.356 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.139 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.827 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 143 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 109 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 76 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 54 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.176 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.555 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.588 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.331 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.501 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.069 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5