With the pressure on today’s young people to succed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects.
Nowadays, all students have to study hard in order to improve their academic skill for their better future. In this view, some people are more concern about student should be focus only on academic life rather than non-academic subject such as physical education, cookery, sport competition, etc. The main reason occured because children can more concentrate to only on academic subject. According to those point of view, it is clearly have to argue what related advantages for having non-academic subject to be learned at school.
As non-academic subject becomes more effective for their skill-improvement, they should be given those particular activities by the teacher in aims to balance their academic and social life. Why social life? By doing some particular physics activities such as sport and cookery, childern will meet and interact with people around them which they have to work together with. They can synergize with their friends in some sport competitions and be a problem solver as resulted. However, work as a group in such of physic competition may also balance their brain by brainstorming and their physical automatically.
On the other hand, physic education can make the children become healthier rather than whom not doing that activity. Physic education generally end in some competitions. In this competition, children really make a hard effort to be the best and win the games. Good competition can result some rewards and prizes for the children which good for their sense of achievement. They will compete in a good way and learn to respect other people while they also synergize with their team to be the best in the competition.
So I agree that it is likely that with non-academic subject implemented at school will have several benefits for most of children during their life time. This may be a good thing for many young people who may find opportunities in life their parents never dreamt of.
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some people are more concern about student should be focus only on academic life
Description: can you re-write this sentence? a lot of errors
children can more concentrate
children can concentrate more
it is clearly have to argue
it is clearly that we have to argue
for the children which good for their sense of achievement.
for the children which are good for their sense of achievement.
Sentence: According to those point of view, it is clearly have to argue what related advantages for having non-academic subject to be learned at school.
Description: A WH-determiner is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to what and related
Sentence: This may be a good thing for many young people who may find opportunities in life their parents never dreamt of.
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by a determiner, possessive
Suggestion: Refer to life and their
Sentence: In this view, some people are more concern about student should be focus only on academic life rather than non-academic subject such as physical education, cookery, sport competition, etc. The main reason occured because children can more concentrate to only on academic subject.
Error: occured Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: By doing some particular physics activities such as sport and cookery, childern will meet and interact with people around them which they have to work together with.
Error: childern Suggestion: children
Sentence: They can synergize with their friends in some sport competitions and be a problem solver as resulted.
Error: synergize Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: They will compete in a good way and learn to respect other people while they also synergize with their team to be the best in the competition.
Error: synergize Suggestion: No alternate word
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 7 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 316 350
No. of Characters: 1582 1500
No. of Different Words: 163 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.216 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.006 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.687 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 108 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 79 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 51 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 32 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.067 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.992 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.533 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.332 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.542 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.089 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5