Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Success has been an issue broadly discussed and defined as different achievements, depending on attitude and perspective; so, what the successful people do? Everyone will answer this question based on his/her own characters, emotional concerns or personal experience. Since a logical response requires an accurate analyses from both sides, I agree that successful people try new things and take risks; so, I present the following justifications.
The first and the most significant reason that we must consider is that a business man make more money by taking risk, while even critics can't raise question on this point. In order to be successful in business field, everyone should try new things as soon as possible, before than competitors. It is an undeniable fact that making profit in a noncompetitive environment is easier. For instance, my friend John had a considerable improvement in his business when he invested on the cell-phones in our town. He was the first person in our city who changed his career to trading mobile phones meanwhile other business men preferred to do their previous job. As you can see, he obtained this profit just by taking risk.
Another noteworthy aspect that should be addressed in this ongoing explanation is that trying new thing can make the person feel confident, which can lead to success in the social relationship. The person who always do the same thing is known as a coward in the society because they afraid of taking risks. On the other hand, everyone will admire an adventurer one who tries many things and this will make him more confident. This confidence is a perfect assist for this person to make new friends and build relationship.
Admittedly, in some circumstances taking risk has its own price, and we shouldn't be unaware of this point. Some careless risks in the business field may culminates in wasting money and time. However, I believe that with a precise and accurate calculations we can avoid the possible dangers of risks or change our decision depending on the situation.
To sum up, I don't deny that in some cases taking risks are dangerous, but taking all the considerations and factors into account and careful analyzing all aspects, I assert that trying new thing and taking risks is a preferable choice.
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Sentence: The first and the most significant reason that we must consider is that a business man make more money by taking risk, while even critics can't raise question on this point.
Description: The fragment man make more is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace make with verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
The person who always do the same thing is known as a coward
The person who always does the same thing is known as a coward
Sentence: The person who always do the same thing is known as a coward in the society because they afraid of taking risks.
Description: A pronoun, personal, nominative, not 3rd person singular is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to they and afraid
Sentence: Some careless risks in the business field may culminates in wasting money and time.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to may and culminates
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 382 350
No. of Characters: 1856 1500
No. of Different Words: 222 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.421 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.859 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.746 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 137 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 95 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 69 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.471 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.445 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.529 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.307 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.556 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.148 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5