The vice president for human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.
"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet inappropriately from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. Installing software on company computers to detect employees' Internet use is the best way to prevent employees from wasting time on the job. It will foster a better work ethic at Climpson and improve our overall profits."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In the recommandation, the vice president argues that Climpson Industry should implement electronic monitoring of employees’ Internet use in order to improve the company’s productivity. Apparently, it seems convincing but lack of evidence leads me to question the compelling of the argument.
Firstly, the author should give more evidence on effectiveness of punishiment. Employee’s personal hours could not decreased by identifying and punishing. This is because they spend their time not only Internet but also the others such as smartphone, nabbing and going to toilet. The time they spend on Internet might be marginal than the time they spend on other personal things. Thus, it is not effective to identify their Internet use and punish them.
Secondly, more detail evidence on software running should be afforded. Nowadays, the employees can surf on Internet not only with the computer but also with their smartphone devices. Using smartphone is much better for them to use Internet secretly and also it is difficult to findout whether they use Internet or not. Therefore, it is not effective way to establish the software program to reduce the wasted time from the employees.
Finally, the author should give more concrete evidence on cost and profit. Running a software program is quiet demanding to Climpson Industry. There are many reasons for this. FIrst, the company have to pay for the program and also installing fee. Second, the program must be managed by person who must be paid. Lastly, identifying and punishing also need extra hour from the working hour. Thus, the entire time and cost that electronic monitoring might consum should be considered, they might override the initial cost and wasting time.
In summary, the author’s argument is unconving in many grounds. To bolster the argument, the author should look into the problem and circumstance more deeply in order to give more concrete evidence.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: In the recommandation, the vice president argues that Climpson Industry should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use in order to improve the company's productivity.
Error: recommandation Suggestion: recommendation
Sentence: Firstly, the author should give more evidence on effectiveness of punishiment.
Error: punishiment Suggestion: punishment
Sentence: Using smartphone is much better for them to use Internet secretly and also it is difficult to findout whether they use Internet or not.
Error: findout Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Thus, the entire time and cost that electronic monitoring might consum should be considered, they might override the initial cost and wasting time.
Error: consum Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: In summary, the author's argument is unconving in many grounds.
Error: unconving Suggestion: No alternate word
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flaws：
also need to argue:
It will foster a better work ethic at Climpson
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 307 350
No. of Characters: 1574 1500
No. of Different Words: 154 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.186 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.127 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.619 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 121 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 96 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 72 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 36 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 15.35 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.525 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.75 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.291 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.503 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.06 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 140, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[8]
Message: The proper name in singular (Internet) must be used with a third-person verb: 'uses'.
Suggestion: uses
... monitoring of employees' Internet use in order to improve the company's ...
^^^
Line 3, column 121, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: 'decrease'
Suggestion: decrease
...mployee's personal hours could not decreased by identifying and punishing. This is b...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, apparently, but, finally, first, firstly, if, lastly, look, second, secondly, so, therefore, thus, in summary, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 11.1786427146 125% => OK
Relative clauses : 3.0 13.6137724551 22% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 19.0 28.8173652695 66% => OK
Preposition: 34.0 55.5748502994 61% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1647.0 2260.96107784 73% => OK
No of words: 307.0 441.139720559 70% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.36482084691 5.12650576532 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.18585898806 4.56307096286 92% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.87864226502 2.78398813304 103% => OK
Unique words: 162.0 204.123752495 79% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.527687296417 0.468620217663 113% => OK
syllable_count: 506.7 705.55239521 72% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 15.0 22.8473053892 66% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 36.6481923156 57.8364921388 63% => OK
Chars per sentence: 82.35 119.503703932 69% => OK
Words per sentence: 15.35 23.324526521 66% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.2 5.70786347227 109% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 3.0 8.20758483034 37% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 6.88822355289 145% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.240270840273 0.218282227539 110% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0734245400191 0.0743258471296 99% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.127348424017 0.0701772020484 181% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.160056182661 0.128457276422 125% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.140604018576 0.0628817314937 224% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.5 14.3799401198 80% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 47.79 48.3550499002 99% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.22 12.5979740519 105% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.55 8.32208582834 103% => OK
difficult_words: 81.0 98.500998004 82% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.0 11.1389221557 72% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.