Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Some people think that the most important factor of working is how to earn a lot of money. Others prefer human factors, where great value was given to each member of work individually, their safety, emotional condition and etc. Before I make a final conclusion let me discuss both sides of this issue. They are several reasons why good salary is dominant factor for selecting by employees.
To begin with, due to our psychology attitudes for everything has become more materialistic, that is why money factor is on the first plan. For example, several years ago for overtime at works employer paid by products or gave gifts, but nowadays, products and gifts turn into money. Because with money we can allow what we want, from buying necessary thing to brand and chic products. Therefore, money encourage employees to work harder. Thus, no business-no money.
In addition, I think, money have made from employees some kind of zombies, that forget everything in their life and focused only on money. I consider that, this kind of life is not so good for me.
On the other hand, as regard to the salary view, job environment and circumstances are more important. I think to do some job, that could enjoy me, is better way to earn money.
Firstly, to make money and simultaneously enjoy from it is ideal variant for me. For instance, I do not do some thing, that I hate, my psychological condition and nervous system stay calm.
Moreover, doing something that I dislike, could change my attitude for this work, and I will make a lot of mistakes, my coefficient of efficiency will decrease abruptly.
To sum up, there are convincing arguments to support my both opinions. I strongly feel that not money bu enjoyable job could make us happier, because our work has to valued not only in money equivalent but also in potential of creativity, skills, and other things, that can satisfy more than only money.
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due to our psychology attitudes for everything has become more materialistic,
due to our psychology, attitudes for everything have become more materialistic,
several years ago for overtime at works employer paid by products or gave gifts,
several years ago, overtime at works was paid by products or gave gifts,
Sentence: I strongly feel that not money bu enjoyable job could make us happier, because our work has to valued not only in money equivalent but also in potential of creativity, skills, and other things, that can satisfy more than only money.
Description: The token to is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to to and valued
flaws:
Number of Paragraphs: 7 5
not well organized. better to have 4-5 paragraphs:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: reason 3 (optional)
para 5: conclusion
or:
para 1: introduction
para 2: idea one.
para 3: however, idea two
para 4: in my opinion...
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 328 350
No. of Characters: 1517 1500
No. of Different Words: 187 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.256 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.625 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.533 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 90 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 68 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 50 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 33 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.294 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.119 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.765 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.328 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.639 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.103 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 7 5