In order to attract more tourists, the government could either improve safety by hiring more police or improve its appearance by repairing old buildings and streets.
Which way do you think is more effective?
There is no doubt that nowadays, the tourism industry plays the key role in people’s lives. No one can deny the direct and indirect effects of tourism. It is a no-brainer that having more tourists leads to improving the economic status and increase public wealth. Some people are inclined toward the opinion that to attract more tourists, the government should improve safety. However, some others may take an opposite viewpoint and believe that the government should improve appearance. From my own perspective, the second belief is true. I hold this because of two reasons that I will explore in the essay.
The first reason coming to mind to substantiate my standpoint is concerned with this issue that by improving appearance the whole city will become eye appealing which leads to attracting more tourists. It goes without saying that historical buildings are in danger of destruction. If the government does not repair them, they gradually will be destroyed. The more they become wear and tear, the more their attractiveness is decreased, so fewer tourists get attracted. To shed light in this view, Persepolis in my country is one of the most glorious buildings of Cyrus the great kingdom of 3000 years ago. Thousands of tourists annually came to Iran to see this distinguished building. The government did not pay attention to repair this building. Gradually, Persepolis get destroyed, so the number of tourists who were coming and visiting that is decreased significantly. Had the government repaired this building, the number of tourists would have not been decreased.
Another equally noteworthy point supporting this opinion is that by repairing streets and improving facilities, tourists enjoy more which leads to coming more tourists. Tourists need some facilities to enjoy more such as restrooms, clean streets, eye catching scenes and so on. Providing these facilities help tourists have a good memory of their trips. They talk with others about their trips and encourage them to go to that place. Some people argue that we should spend more money on safety, because without safety, we will not have the tourism industry. Although this point of view is true, people with this opinion should consider the fact that safety is not the main goal of tourists, they come here to see historical buildings, so the worn-out buildings will not charm tourists even if there is safety.
To make a long story short, all the aforementioned reasons lead us to the conclusion that improving buildings' appearance has a lot of benefits that outweigh the benefits of enhancing safety because of increasing attractiveness and forming good memory in tourists' minds. However, that was a story in a nutshell. Actually, there are some other reasons and examples, challenging the claim, which are not pointed out above. All in all, it is recommended that the government pay more attention to historical buildings to appeal more tourists.
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 28, Rule ID: ADMIT_ENJOY_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the gerund form: 'mind substantiating'.
Suggestion: mind substantiating
...he essay. The first reason coming to mind to substantiate my standpoint is concerned with this is...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, first, however, if, may, second, so, no doubt, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 15.1003584229 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 9.8082437276 133% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 13.8261648746 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 11.0286738351 181% => OK
Pronoun: 46.0 43.0788530466 107% => OK
Preposition: 57.0 52.1666666667 109% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 8.0752688172 149% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2466.0 1977.66487455 125% => OK
No of words: 476.0 407.700716846 117% => OK
Chars per words: 5.18067226891 4.8611393121 107% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.67091256922 4.48103885553 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.767271676 2.67179642975 104% => OK
Unique words: 240.0 212.727598566 113% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.504201680672 0.524837075471 96% => OK
syllable_count: 735.3 618.680645161 119% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 9.59856630824 94% => OK
Article: 8.0 3.08781362007 259% => Less articles wanted as sentence beginning.
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.86738351254 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.94265232975 61% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 26.0 20.6003584229 126% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 20.1344086022 89% => OK
Sentence length SD: 55.1285748348 48.9658058833 113% => OK
Chars per sentence: 94.8461538462 100.406767564 94% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.3076923077 20.6045352989 89% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.46153846154 5.45110844103 45% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 18.0 11.8709677419 152% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 3.85842293907 130% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.88709677419 61% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.305796926699 0.236089414692 130% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0813870143725 0.076458572812 106% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0814067401041 0.0737576698707 110% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.199958517695 0.150856017488 133% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.012535320008 0.0645574589148 19% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.1 11.7677419355 103% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 61.67 58.1214874552 106% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.1 10.1575268817 90% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.76 10.9000537634 117% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.81 8.01818996416 97% => OK
difficult_words: 99.0 86.8835125448 114% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 6.0 10.002688172 60% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 9.2 10.0537634409 92% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 10.247311828 127% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 73.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 22.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.