The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people ten to twenty-five years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
The author of the editorial states that the sales of Whirlwind video which had declined over the past two years are likely to go up. To support this increase in sales, the author also mentions a few reasons. However, in my opinion, the author's reasons are based on unsubstantiated assumptions and are unpersuasive. So I disagree with the author and to support my claim I have listed the following reasons.
Firstly, the author in the argument states that the sales of the video games are bound to be reversed as per a recent survey. Here, the author's claims are presumptuous and lack evidence. The author does not mention any details about the survey that was conducted. How many people took part in the survey? When exactly was the survey conducted? and so on. It might be quite possible that very few people took part in the survey. Furthermore, the survey asked people what they thought were the most important features in the video game and results showed that people preferred games with lifelike graphics. In my opinion, this question in a survey is ambiguous as everyone cannot afford the high-end computers required to play lifelike graphic games. The main purpose of a survey is to obtain a collective conclusion of all the people. If the company focuses only on one feature i.e graphics, then the overall cost might overshoot the budget of middle-income people and in fact lower the sales of the videogames. So, the author's claims are too dependent on the survey and as a result, lacks mettle.
Moreover, the author states that to ameliorate the sales, Whirlwind also introduced an advertising campaign directed to people aged between ten to twenty-five. Yes, an advertising campaign might add to the sales of the video games but does not guarantee it. Had the author mentioned any previous instances leading to a surge in sales, due to the advertising campaigns, it would have bolstered the claims of organizing advertising campaigns. So the author relies only on assumptions and does not provide any facts or figures that would lead to an increase in sales.
Therefore, in conclusion, the author relies only upon absurd assumptions and the claims of the author are supported by tenuous claims. Had the author kept the above suggestions in mind, it would have supported his claims and made the argument well-reasoned and more convincing.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 396 350
No. of Characters: 1913 1500
No. of Different Words: 189 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.461 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.831 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.651 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 145 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 96 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 71 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 44 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.857 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.453 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.619 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.357 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.522 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.141 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 345, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: And
... When exactly was the survey conducted? and so on. It might be quite possible that ...
^^^
Line 7, column 279, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ment well-reasoned and more convincing.
^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, furthermore, however, if, moreover, so, then, therefore, well, in conclusion, in fact, as a result, in my opinion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 12.9520958084 54% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 21.0 28.8173652695 73% => OK
Preposition: 51.0 55.5748502994 92% => OK
Nominalization: 5.0 16.3942115768 30% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1965.0 2260.96107784 87% => OK
No of words: 395.0 441.139720559 90% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.9746835443 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.45809453852 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.7228716097 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 197.0 204.123752495 97% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.498734177215 0.468620217663 106% => OK
syllable_count: 610.2 705.55239521 86% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 46.6179300802 57.8364921388 81% => OK
Chars per sentence: 89.3181818182 119.503703932 75% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.9545454545 23.324526521 77% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.36363636364 5.70786347227 111% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 11.0 4.67664670659 235% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.265484889108 0.218282227539 122% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.078685152287 0.0743258471296 106% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0885214370725 0.0701772020484 126% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.138380575888 0.128457276422 108% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0853588359573 0.0628817314937 136% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.0 14.3799401198 76% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 62.68 48.3550499002 130% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.7 12.197005988 71% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.25 12.5979740519 89% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.32 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 96.0 98.500998004 97% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.