Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Children rely too much on technology, like computers, smart phones, video games for fun and entertainment. Playing with simpler toys or playing outside with friends would be better for children’s development.
Since the dawn of civilizations, modern technology has influenced all aspects of people’s lives. Modern fast transportation, new medical methods , significant facilities in big cities are all great examples of the convenience that new developments have brought to our daily lives. But it is not all about advantages, when it comes to major changes we should always keep an eye on possible drawbacks too. Since the considerable part of people’s entertainment has been occupied by the new technology, like computers, smart phones and video games, it is essential to be aware of its impact on people’s lives quality. A controversial question which is often raised regarding this idea is if it is harmful for children’ s development to spend their time using computers, smart phones, video games for fun and entertainment instead of playing with simpler toys or playing outside with friends. I strongly believe that it is vital for children to spend their time having outside activities with their friends instead of watching television and playing video games. In what follows, I will elaborate on my viewpoint.
The first exquisite point to be mentioned is the impact of new entertainments on children’s physical health and development. Childhood is the most critical period of life which can affect and determine the future life’s quality. Having enough physical activity is an important factor in children’s physical developments. Outside activities and playing with friends usually consist of healthy and happy exercise which helps children to have stronger and healthier bodies while video games, smart phones and computers that encourage children to sit and play for long hours make them susceptible to major health problems like childhood obesity. Another problems is the radiation of smart phones and their potential to cause certain types of cancer or other health problems. Biological and health scientists believe that this radiation damages the living cells in our bodies and kills many of us prematurely, so it is obviously essential for children to stay clear of these kinds of damage as much as possible.
The second reason that I would like to mention is the negative effects of watching television and playing videogames on children’s behavior as well as their mental developments. Several studies have been done to investigate the impact of video games on children’s behavior and the result is shocking. Unfortunately, violence is a large part of all mass media. The more time children spend on playing computer and watching television, the more violent acts they witness. Most of the video games include extreme violence and killing which can have major impacts on children’s mental health and behavior. Psychologists believe that playing violent video games can actually make children feel, think and behave more aggressively. The research also shows that video games have a greater influence than movies and television since they are interactive and players take on the role of the killers in the games. The research also claims that violent video games are to blame for aggressive behavior in schools such as bullying and school shootings. Besides all the negative effects of video games on children’s behavior, they are also harmful for children’s mental developments. Psychologists believe that playing with simple toys could help the child’s brain to develop better. Compared to children who spend their time playing video games, children who spend their time playing with simple toys with their friends have a better chance to be creative and smart in future. They will also have better social skills since they are dealing with other people in outdoor activities, so in future, they would be more confident and so more successful.
To make a long story short, I think it is essential for children to have healthy childhood to increase the chance of success in their future. Since children are not mature enough to make right decisions about some issues like violent video games, it is parents’ responsibility to take care of what their children watch and play and make sure that their children are safe, mentally and physically. They could for example set some ground rules about how much time their children are allowed to play with smart phones, computer or video game. They could also come up with a way to encourage their children to have healthier entertainment like playing with friends, exercising or reading novels.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2021-09-01 | Kamyar Mirzaei | 70 | view |
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 145, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...fast transportation, new medical methods , significant facilities in big cities ar...
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Line 1, column 427, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...le drawbacks too. Since the considerable part of people’s entertainment has been ...
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Line 1, column 703, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... regarding this idea is if it is harmful for children’ s development to spend the...
^^
Line 3, column 660, Rule ID: AGREEMENT_SENT_START[4]
Message: You should probably use: 'are'.
Suggestion: are
...ike childhood obesity. Another problems is the radiation of smart phones and their...
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Line 5, column 47, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...cond reason that I would like to mention is the negative effects of watching tele...
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Line 5, column 1456, Rule ID: IN_PAST[1]
Message: Did you mean: 'in the future'?
Suggestion: in the future
... better chance to be creative and smart in future. They will also have better social skil...
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Line 5, column 1575, Rule ID: IN_PAST[1]
Message: Did you mean: 'in the future'?
Suggestion: in the future
... other people in outdoor activities, so in future, they would be more confident and so mo...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, besides, but, first, if, regarding, second, so, well, while, for example, i think, such as, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 30.0 15.1003584229 199% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 9.8082437276 112% => OK
Conjunction : 32.0 13.8261648746 231% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 17.0 11.0286738351 154% => OK
Pronoun: 53.0 43.0788530466 123% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 99.0 52.1666666667 190% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 8.0752688172 173% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3769.0 1977.66487455 191% => OK
No of words: 715.0 407.700716846 175% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.27132867133 4.8611393121 108% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.17102348808 4.48103885553 115% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.80493490036 2.67179642975 105% => OK
Unique words: 310.0 212.727598566 146% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.433566433566 0.524837075471 83% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1124.1 618.680645161 182% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 9.59856630824 104% => OK
Article: 7.0 3.08781362007 227% => Less articles wanted as sentence beginning.
Subordination: 4.0 3.51792114695 114% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.94265232975 162% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 29.0 20.6003584229 141% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 20.1344086022 119% => OK
Sentence length SD: 60.797240065 48.9658058833 124% => OK
Chars per sentence: 129.965517241 100.406767564 129% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.6551724138 20.6045352989 120% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.06896551724 5.45110844103 75% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.5376344086 126% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 11.8709677419 126% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 12.0 3.85842293907 311% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.88709677419 41% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.421314600584 0.236089414692 178% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.117633343925 0.076458572812 154% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.102082997346 0.0737576698707 138% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.288761345446 0.150856017488 191% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0285257822411 0.0645574589148 44% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.7 11.7677419355 133% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 58.1214874552 81% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 10.1575268817 125% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.58 10.9000537634 125% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.25 8.01818996416 103% => OK
difficult_words: 155.0 86.8835125448 178% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 15.5 10.002688172 155% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 10.0537634409 115% => OK
text_standard: 16.0 10.247311828 156% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.