The reading passage introduces the readers to the topic of altruism. To support the theory presents, the writer presents examples both from human and animals, specifically meerkats. Yet, the lecturer claims against the argument in the reading passage by asserting that altruism behavior is not fully opposite to selfishness since the individual performing the altruistic acts is gaining benefits. This is in contrast to the writers claims.
First of all, the lecturer states that new findings from a recent research on meerkat's behavior revels a new analysis and interpretation to their eating habits. Previously, as it was stated in the reading passage, it was thought that the standing guard was sacrificing himself for allowing his other member of the group to eat safely. However, in the new finding s reported by the lecturer, it seems that the standing guard is not scarifying himself at all, but rather got an advantage over the others. He is the first to eat, before going to his guarding missions, and also has the opportunity to starts escaping first before the other member.
Secondly, the lecturer asserts that in any human altruism act there is some kind of selfishness. In the example she provided, a donation of a kidney to a stranger, although there isn't any materialistic reward, the donor do benefits from the approval and appreciation he receives from the society. This in turn leads to a greater self-worth with is very important to some people. This contradicts the claim made by the writer of the reading passage that a donation is a fully unselfish act which provide little reward if any.
Thus, by contradicting each of the reasons raised in the reading passage, the lecturer explains that behind any so called "altruism" act there is a selfish motive, even if it is hidden from the naked eye.
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- TOEFl Integrated writing Task The Pluto War 83
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Sentence: This contradicts the claim made by the writer of the reading passage that a donation is a fully unselfish act which provide little reward if any.
Description: The fragment which provide little is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace provide with verb, past tense
flaws:
Not on the right format. The correct pattern:
para 1: introduction
para 2: doubt 1
para 3: doubt 2
para 4: doubt 3
Don't need to reiterate the contents of reading passages.
Don't need a conclusion.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 10
No. of Words: 305 250
No. of Characters: 1479 1200
No. of Different Words: 164 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.179 4.3
Average Word Length: 4.849 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.683 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 118 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 89 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 61 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 22 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.462 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.855 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.538 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.343 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.567 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.072 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4