The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.
"A recent study rating 300 male and female advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than six hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. On the basis of this study, we recommend that businesses hire only people who need less than six hours of sleep per night."
In this argument, the author suggests that businesses hire only people with the need of sleeping for less than six hours per night. This assertion is based on a recent study of executives reflecting the relationship between the amount of sleep needed and the success of business, a report that firms with executives needing less sleep gain more profit, and a deduction that people who sleep less can bring more benefit to their company. Nonetheless, certain crucial evidence fails to be presented, which seriously undermine the validity of the conclusion.
The author mentions that a study concerning 300 executives shows the relevance of sleep and success in business. He apparently assumes that the size of sample is cogent enough to reflect the real condition of these respondents. Yet there is a probability that most of the respondents are so young and energetic as to undertake heavy assignments with little rest, or males among them are far more than females so that collectivity tends to need less recess. In this case, less sleep means higher efficiency. Therefore a larger sample and more details about these executives are required in order to warrant the cogency of the survey.
Even though there is an association between the amount of sleep and the success of firms, the author should not assert that firms with executives needing less sleep would inevitably benefit more. He clearly presumes that profit margins and the success of a firm depend only on the sleeping habits of the people working there. But there are many factors that can influence the growth rate of business such as the skills, education level, diligence of the people and the strategies followed by the firm. Accordingly, the author needs to take more comprehensive factors into account to judge the effect of less sleep to the business success.
Even if less sleep actually benefits for companies’ financial growth, the author can hardly rush to the suggestion that all businesses hire only people who need less than six hours of sleep per night. He obviously premises that employees in any form of business share the same relationship between the amount of sleep and the success of one’s business. Nonetheless, companies vary in culture, management and administration, in which case such strategies can hardly be applied all industries. Thus diverse businesses should possess different evaluation criterions suitable for their own development while recruiting new employees.
Conclusively, the author proposes that businesses hire only people who need sleep for less than six hours per night. Nevertheless, failing to provide some critical evidence for its convincing, the argument is severely impaired.
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argument 1 -- better: the date reported is the average of sleeping length, so the company’s growth may have actually happened when the executives had longer rest;
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 432 350
No. of Characters: 2217 1500
No. of Different Words: 205 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.559 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.132 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.665 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 161 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 120 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 86 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 60 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.894 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.556 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.34 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.541 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.097 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5