Traditional Values are irrelevant to modern society Do you agree

Essay topics:

"Traditional Values are irrelevant to modern society" Do you agree.

It is a matter of considerable & interesting debate that weather modern societies are free from old traditional values, or traditional values are still providing fundamentals for development & survival of modern society. Both the believes are so close to reality that, it will not be fare to conclude immediately. Nevertheless, I firmly believe that traditional values are basic building blocks of modern society. Traditional culture & custom still guide human beings to maintain & establish civilized modern societies.

To begin with, “old is gold” is the universal truth & still stands valid. Although the traditional believes are old but they still guide the society, to lead human race towards prosperity. To illustrate the fact, it is constantly taught by our elders that children should obey their parents. Starting from the Era of Roaman Empire till modern politics, it can be seen that children, who gave due respect to their parents, become successful in their life.

Secondly, Experience always get an edge over a fresher. Historical evolutions, like invention of wheel, development of law & order for civilizations & water storage & distribution principle by Romans, all still have a significant place in modern society. Many countries, developed or developing, still have distribution of society based on ability of a person, which provide ease of managing the societies.

In addition, the characteristics of a noble person are still defined by traditional parameters. At present civilization, even new generation likes a pop-star more than a saint but, if they want to motivate their children they use to give example of Abraham Lincon. Whenever there are elections & a citizen needs to choose his or her candidate, they never use the new generation parameters like pop star, celebrity, musician etc. Even the youngsters get fascinated by the traditional qualities of a candidate like devotion to society, past welfare activities etc.

A bunch of people still argue & claim that traditional values are more or like bottlenecks for modern society. They believe that those customs & old values do not fit into fast & growing lifestyle of present generation. There was a great tradition developed by Roman emperors, according to them, one should throw coins into the water. It would make them eligible for one wish. Modern society treat it as an irony with supporting fact, that coins at that time was made up of copper & of someone drink water having copper touch, it could be good for his or her health.

To summarize it all, I strongly believe that traditional values still have their influence in modern society & they can not be ignored by present generation. Although some facts & customs require evolution but still a majority of them are valid for new generation too.

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Average: 7.2 (38 votes)
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Hi

Please review the above essay according to IELTS. If possible please include following points too:
(1) Spelling check
(2) Grammer check
(3) Task completion
(4) coherence
(5) Length of essay
(6) Sentence formation
(7) IELTS band for above essay
(8) Possible suggestions for improvements according to IELTS exam

Thanks in advance

Sentence: It is a matter of considerable & interesting debate that weather modern societies are free from old traditional values, or traditional values are still providing fundamentals for development & survival of modern society.
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to weather and modern,should be "whether"

Sentence: Nevertheless, I firmly believe that traditional values are basic building blocks of modern society.
No grammatical errors

Sentence: Traditional culture & custom still guide human beings to maintain & establish civilized modern societies.
No grammatical errors

Sentence: To begin with, old is gold is the universal truth & still stands valid.
Description: A preposition is not usually followed by a comma
Suggestion: Refer to with and ,
Sentence: Although the traditional believes are old but they still guide the society, to lead human race towards prosperity.
No grammatical errors

Sentence: To illustrate the fact, it is constantly taught by our elders that children should obey their parents.
No grammatical errors

Sentence: Starting from the Era of Roaman Empire till modern politics, it can be seen that children, who gave due respect to their parents, become successful in their life.
No grammatical errors

Sentence: Secondly, Experience always get an edge over a fresher.
No grammatical errors

Sentence: Historical evolutions, like invention of wheel, development of law & order for civilizations & water storage & distribution principle by Romans, all still have a significant place in modern society.
No grammatical errors
Sentence: Many countries, developed or developing, still have distribution of society based on ability of a person, which provide ease of managing the societies.
No grammatical errors

Sentence: In addition, the characteristics of a noble person are still defined by traditional parameters.
No grammatical errors

Sentence: At present civilization, even new generation likes a pop-star more than a saint but, if they want to motivate their children they use to give example of Abraham Lincon.
No grammatical errors

Description: An adverb is not usually followed by an End of sentence
Suggestion: Refer to etc.
Sentence: A bunch of people still argue & claim that traditional values are more or like bottlenecks for modern society.
No grammatical errors

Sentence: They believe that those customs & old values do not fit into fast & growing lifestyle of present generation.
No grammatical errors

Sentence: There was a great tradition developed by Roman emperors, according to them, one should throw coins into the water.
No grammatical errors

Sentence: It would make them eligible for one wish.
No grammatical errors

Sentence: Modern society treat it as an irony with supporting fact, that coins at that time was made up of copper & of someone drink water having copper touch, it could be good for his or her health.
Description: The fragment society treat it is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace treat with verb, past tense
Description: The fragment someone drink water is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace drink with verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Description: A determiner, possessive is not usually followed by a conjunction, coordinating
Suggestion: Refer to his and or

Sentence: To summarize it all, I strongly believe that traditional values still have their influence in modern society & they can not be ignored by present generation.
No grammatical errors

Sentence: Although some facts & customs require evolution but still a majority of them are valid for new generation too.
Description: The fragment majority of them is not usually followed by are
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace are with is

Sentence: It is a matter of considerable & interesting debate that weather modern societies are free from old traditional values, or traditional values are still providing fundamentals for development & survival of modern society.
No spelling errors
Sentence: Both the believes are so close to reality that, it will not be fare to conclude immediately.
No spelling errors
Sentence: Nevertheless, I firmly believe that traditional values are basic building blocks of modern society.
No spelling errors
Sentence: Traditional culture & custom still guide human beings to maintain & establish civilized modern societies.
No spelling errors
Sentence: To begin with, old is gold is the universal truth & still stands valid.
No spelling errors
Sentence: Although the traditional believes are old but they still guide the society, to lead human race towards prosperity.
No spelling errors
Sentence: To illustrate the fact, it is constantly taught by our elders that children should obey their parents.
No spelling errors
Sentence: Starting from the Era of Roaman Empire till modern politics, it can be seen that children, who gave due respect to their parents, become successful in their life.
No spelling errors
Sentence: Secondly, Experience always get an edge over a fresher.
No spelling errors
Sentence: Historical evolutions, like invention of wheel, development of law & order for civilizations & water storage & distribution principle by Romans, all still have a significant place in modern society.
No spelling errors
Sentence: Many countries, developed or developing, still have distribution of society based on ability of a person, which provide ease of managing the societies.
No spelling errors
Sentence: In addition, the characteristics of a noble person are still defined by traditional parameters.
No spelling errors
Sentence: At present civilization, even new generation likes a pop-star more than a saint but, if they want to motivate their children they use to give example of Abraham Lincon.
Error: pop-star Suggestion: popular
Sentence: Whenever there are elections & a citizen needs to choose his or her candidate, they never use the new generation parameters like pop star, celebrity, musician etc. Even the youngsters get fascinated by the traditional qualities of a candidate like devotion to society, past welfare activities etc.
Error: etc. Suggestion: etch
Sentence: A bunch of people still argue & claim that traditional values are more or like bottlenecks for modern society.
No spelling errors
Sentence: They believe that those customs & old values do not fit into fast & growing lifestyle of present generation.
No spelling errors
Sentence: There was a great tradition developed by Roman emperors, according to them, one should throw coins into the water.
No spelling errors
Sentence: It would make them eligible for one wish.
No spelling errors
Sentence: Modern society treat it as an irony with supporting fact, that coins at that time was made up of copper & of someone drink water having copper touch, it could be good for his or her health.
No spelling errors
Sentence: To summarize it all, I strongly believe that traditional values still have their influence in modern society & they can not be ignored by present generation.
No spelling errors
Sentence: Although some facts & customs require evolution but still a majority of them are valid for new generation too.
No spelling errors

No. of Spelling Errors: 2
No. of Words: 440
No. of Different Words: 241
Average Word Length: 5.139
Word Length SD: 2.793
No. of Characters: 2261

Average Sentence Length: 20.952
Sentence Length SD: 9.095
Use of Passive Voice: 0
Use of Discourse Markers: 0.667
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.297
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.508
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.112

So try to use more passive voice

The first number is your mark, the second one is the ideal mark

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 10 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 440 350
No. of Characters: 2261 1500
No. of Different Words: 241 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.58 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.139 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.793 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 167 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 127 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 90 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 65 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.952 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.095 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.297 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.508 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.112 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

Hi

Thanks a lot for such useful review comments. It boost my confidence for IELTS exam.
I have a doubt about use of comma, if possible, please provide your reply for the same.

(1) Do I use the comma properly in my essay? If not, how much importance it have for IELTS exam? Could you please give one or two examples from my essay to highlight where I should or should not use the comma?

Since you have few days left for IELTS exams,i would suggestion you read some professional articles or sample essays instead of paying attention to punctuations. Punctuations are relatively less important in IELTS writing i believe. any way, this may help you on how to use comma:

When to use the Comma - the Rules
When to use the comma:

* A series of words or phrases has its parts separated by commas:—"Lying, trickery, chicanery, perjury, were natural to him." "The brave, daring, faithful soldier died facing the foe." If the series is in pairs, commas separate the pairs: "Rich and poor, learned and unlearned, Mohammedan and Buddhist must pass through the same gate."

* A comma is used before a short quotation: "It was Patrick Henry who said, 'Give me liberty or give me death.'"

* When the subject of the sentence is a clause or a long phrase, a comma is used after such subject: "That he has no reverence for the God I love, proves his insincerity." "Simulated piety, with a black coat and a sanctimonious look, does not proclaim a Christian."

* An expression used parenthetically should be enclosed by commas: "The old man, as a general rule, takes a morning walk."

* Words in apposition are set off by commas: "McKinley, the President, was assassinated."

* Relative clauses, if not restrictive, require commas: "The book, which is the simplest, is often the most profound."

* In continued sentences each should be followed by a comma: "Electricity lights our dwellings and streets, pulls cars, trains, drives the engines of our mills and factories."

* When a verb is omitted a comma takes its place: "Lincoln was a great statesman; Grant, a great soldier."

* The subject of address is followed by a comma: "John, you are a good man."

* In numeration, commas are used to express periods of three figures: "Mountains 25,000 feet high; 1,000,000 dollars."