The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. Nevertheless, the nearest jazz club is over an hour away. Given the popularity of jazz in Monroe and a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, a jazz music club in Monroe would be tremendously profitable."
The author suggests that a jazz music club would be lucrative in Monroe. However, several assumptions in the argument need support.
The memo states that over 100,000 people went to the annual jazz festival last summer in Monroe. An assumption here is that such people are all the locals in Monroe. However, it is possible that most of these attendances are tourists from other cities, staying in Monroe for a few weeks during the jazz festival each year. If most of the attendances are residents in Monroe, then the conclusion mentioned above might be reasonable. But if they are people from all around the world, then such conclusion could be doubtful. Thus, the author should at least provide more information about who are these attendances, and where are they from.
The argument assumes that many residents listened to ‘Jazz Nightly’, which is the high-rated radio program in Monroe. However, it might be possible that just a few residents love listening to jazz music, and some of them might rate the program highly. If many residents listen to the radio program regularly, then they could be loyal fans of jazz. But if just a few residents listen to such program, who rate the program highly, then we cannot simply conclude that many residents love jazz music. We need to know more about how many residents would listen to ‘Jazz Nightly’ regularly.
The author states that a lot of famous jazz musicians have houses in Monroe. Still, the assumption that they usually live in Monroe because of the jazz fan is groundless. If such musicians live in the city for eight months or above each year, then it might be possible that they choose to live in Monroe for the audiences of jazz in Monroe. But if such musicians live in Monroe for a few weeks each year, then such conclusion could be unreasonable. Even if such musicians live in Monroe for a long time each year, it is entirely possible that they choose to live in this city because of its mild weather, low tax rate, and scenic beauty. Thus, the author should provide more information about how long they live in Monroe each year.
Citing a recent national survey, the author assumes that a jazz music club in Monroe could be profitable. However, we have no information about who did the survey? If the survey was conducted by a group of experts from renowned laboratories, then the survey could be reliable. But if the survey was conducted by a group of students, who did it for their group projects of lecture, then it is worth doubting that the survey is valid. Even if the survey could be trusted, we still need to know how the typical jazz fan around $1000 on jazz entertainment each year. It is possible that such fans buy a lot of albums each year or pay a large amount of money on some jazz concerts. Thus, the author should provide more information about how much money such fans would spend on the jazz music club.
To strengthen the argument, the author would need to address these assumptions.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2023-07-13 | Befoj | 59 | view |
| 2022-09-27 | ctoluwasedaniel | 59 | view |
| 2022-06-11 | Prabesh Dhakal | 69 | view |
| 2021-11-23 | etcheung | 73 | view |
| 2021-10-02 | miqbalhilmi | 50 | view |
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 27 15
No. of Words: 521 350
No. of Characters: 2380 1500
No. of Different Words: 180 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.778 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.568 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.319 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 154 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 93 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 64 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 41 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.296 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.66 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.349 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.579 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.215 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, however, if, so, still, then, thus, at least
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 22.0 12.9520958084 170% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 39.0 28.8173652695 135% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 63.0 55.5748502994 113% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 16.3942115768 61% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2466.0 2260.96107784 109% => OK
No of words: 521.0 441.139720559 118% => OK
Chars per words: 4.73320537428 5.12650576532 92% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.77759609229 4.56307096286 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.45124278389 2.78398813304 88% => OK
Unique words: 194.0 204.123752495 95% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.37236084453 0.468620217663 79% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 736.2 705.55239521 104% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 7.0 1.67365269461 418% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 27.0 19.7664670659 137% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 32.6386879426 57.8364921388 56% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 91.3333333333 119.503703932 76% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.2962962963 23.324526521 83% => OK
Discourse Markers: 1.81481481481 5.70786347227 32% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 0.0 5.25449101796 0% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 11.0 4.67664670659 235% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.22864294291 0.218282227539 105% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0740231417519 0.0743258471296 100% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0643577679564 0.0701772020484 92% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.108329831459 0.128457276422 84% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0695214339368 0.0628817314937 111% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.5 14.3799401198 73% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 69.11 48.3550499002 143% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.3 12.197005988 68% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.15 12.5979740519 81% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 6.88 8.32208582834 83% => OK
difficult_words: 76.0 98.500998004 77% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 6.5 12.3882235529 52% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 7.0 11.9071856287 59% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.